Baking For Beginners: Brazilian Wedding Biscuits

So apparently the competition I will always call Fifa 96 is back for another summer, and this time it's in Brazil. I have been banned from the living room whenever a match is on, because I tend to say things like "why don't all the men on the winning side simply stand in the goal for the rest of the match to stop the other team scoring?" I think this is a valid point.

So to celebrate the World Cup / console ourselves that the telly schedules are all out of whack, let's get our bake on. These biscuits are light, soft and sandwiched together with dulce de leche for a delicious treat that's traditionally eaten as dessert or handed out as favours at Brazilian weddings. The biscuits represent the couple, and the dulce de leche represents the love that holds them together. Mmm, delicious caramel love.

Brazilian Wedding Biscuits (makes 30 biscuits, i.e. 15 finished wedding biscuits)
Preparation time: 15 minutes
Cooking time: 8 minutes

You will need:

• 4 eggs
• 100g caster sugar
• 1 tsp vanilla essence
• 200g plain flour
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1 tbsp cocoa
• 1 tin of dulce de leche / caramel (find it in the baking aisle)

Make it!

1. Preheat the oven to 200C/400F/gas mark 6.  Line two large trays with baking paper.
2. Separate the eggs, keeping the yolks in a separate bowl while you beat the egg whites and sugar to soft peaks. Beat in the yolks and the vanilla essence.
3. Sift in the flour baking powder and gently fold in until well combined.
4. Spoon out 15 even sized blobs of the biscuit mix onto your first tray. You can draw circles if you want them to be precise, otherwise a dessertspoon works fine.
5. Add the cocoa to the remaining mixture and fold in. Spoon out another 15 blobs onto the second tray.
6. Bake for 8 minutes, until the plain biscuits are golden brown and they're all slightly risen. Leave to cool on the tray for 5 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack.
7. Once completely cool, spoon a heaped teaspoon of dulce de leche onto a plain biscuit, top with a chocolate one, and press gently together. Continue until you have 15 amazing biscuits in front of you. 
8. Put the kettle on, accidentally eat 8 of them in one sitting.

Shop In The Spotlight: Laundry Boutique

I spent last weekend drifting lazily around Brighton, mainly eating ice-cream and buying trinkets and touching tiny fancy dogs on the beach. I also stumbled across brand new shop Laundry, who confirmed they were my kind of shop by offering me a glass of cava as I walked in. (Take note, all other shops.)

Laundry has only been open six weeks and already has the new summer wardrobe you've been wearily searching for, and cheerfully removes all the dreariness of clothes shopping. Beautifully laid out clothes? Yes. Staff who make a fuss of you without feeling like stalkers? Yes. Bright sunshiny colours that err the right side of children's TV presenter? YES. I'd say it was a boutique experience at high street prices if it didn't make me sound like a terrible media tart.

If you can't get to the shop, thankfully their website is almost as fun to play in as the store itself.

Nothing says "yes hello I am ready for summer" like a shift dress covered in sunflowers worn with optimistically bare legs. This dress is £29 and ready to fling on as soon as the rain stops.

We have firmly hitched our wagon to this season's floral star, and this black midi dress covered in gothic flowers proves you can join in even if you don't like soft pastels and creams. It's £25 and you can absolutely wear it with tights until summer restarts.

Guys, don't panic, but I'm showing you patterned trousers. These hummingbird and rose print trousers are entirely wearable with a plain top. They're £42 and should really not be worn with the (lovely) matching top unless you enjoy looking like you're wearing pyjamas.

This yellow box top is both immensely flattering and guaranteed to attract confused butterflies all summer. It's pleasingly loose so wear it to picnics and eat all the scotch eggs. It's £25 and comes in approx. 5748 other colours too (fine, 10).

Petal prints stop this heart design top from being too cutesy. It's £18 and you could wear it with any plain skirt (so not the printed trousers, ok? TOO MUCH).

The only thing stopping me from getting these gold and red sandals is the heel, as I immediately topple off anything higher than 2cm. If you have a better sense of balance and £25 to spare, you'd be the actual queen of summer in these.

And finally, it's what I actually bought from the shop: a black lace jumpsuit, an item I never thought would grace my wardrobe. Petite girls: this fits me perfectly and doesn't look like I'm playing dress-up with my mum's clothes. It's £45 and I want to wear it everywhere. I already have a meeting scheduled with my manager entitled "are lace jumpsuits suitable for work?", to which I hope the answer is simply "hell yes".

Sluttishly Vegetarian: Smashed White Bean, Avocado, Hummous and Tomato Tartine

And lo, in the space of a day we passed from a lacklustre spring to a full-on proper summer, and even though it's cooled off, I am already flopping dramatically on the sofa and announcing I cannot do any cooking until September. I am planning to live on tartines: open-faced sandwiches that originated in France, that you can merrily pile high with whatever you choose.

This vegetarian version is similar to one I recently had in a fancy cafe in Dulwich, where the waiters only spoke French, there was a tiny dog at the next table, and I felt like I was on holiday. It's ludicrously delicious and filling, and you'll feel like you're somewhere chic and European even if you eat it standing up in your kitchen.

Smashed White Bean, Avocado, Hummous and Tomato Tartine (serves 2)
Preparation time: 15 minutes
Cooking time: none! Hooray!

You will need:

• Tin of white beans, aka haricot beans
• 1 tbsp olive oil
• 1 avocado
• Small tub of hummous (make your own if you're super keen)
• Half a lemon
• 1 tomato
• 2 pieces of toast / 1 ciabatta roll sliced longways

Make it!

1. Drain the beans and rinse them to get rid of the gloop. Put them into a large bowl with the olive oil and some seasoning, and mash them with a potato masher or large spoon. Don't make it too smooth, leave a bit of texture.
2. Open the tub of hummous.
3. Pit and thinly slice the avocado, then slice the tomato.
4. Tartine: assemble! Take your toast or ciabatta and start by spreading the mashed beans in an even layer across each piece. Then add a dollop of hummous, a squeeze of lemon juice, some sliced avocado and tomato, and you're done! Eat and enjoy.

Springlike Jewellery

Got your spring jacket? Now it's time to embrace the greatest of all the seasons - such promise! Such hope! Such occasional heavy showers! - by dressing up in it. Spring accessories are the best.

Meet Betsy the bunny and her carrot. Betsy's made of solid silver (and solid CUTENESS, amiright?), her miniature carrot is plastic, and both dangle from a silver chain that comes in a variety of lengths. She's £65 from Bug.

Spring is when we all head to the nearest seaside at the first hint of sunshine, then refuse to admit that it's actually quite cold and windy and we'd like to go home, please. Much easier to just wear this enameled brass sandcastle ring from The Lost Lanes instead. I love the detail on the turrets. It's £90 but you'd never remove it, making the cost-per-wear approximately 2p.

Oh, Les Nerides! I don't know how to pronounce you but I adore your giddy, charming jewellery. Like this strawberry charm ring from Asos, in the sale at £28. BREAKING STRAWBERRY NEWS: they will be bigger and sweeter this year thanks to the mild winter.

We've told you about the ace (and cheap) jewellery from Chelsea Doll before, and they've done it again with this daisy chain charm bracelet for just £10. Apparently it's featured in You and Your Wedding, Cosmopolitan and Bliss magazines, so it's officially suitable whether you're a grown-up lady getting married, 14-years-old, or love reading about 21 Mind-Blowing Sex Moves every week. God, that sounds exhausting.

The V&A shop is the best place to go for beautiful jewellery, like these flower mosaic heart necklaces made from glass and ceramic set into brass. They're £45 and also come as circles if you prefer.

Let us embrace the inevitability of rain with these umbrella and cloud earrings from Richardsonandrichardson on Folksy. Don't fear the rain: once you're wet, you can't get any wetter, and then the rain becomes your friend. And at £9.95 these are cheaper than an emergency umbrella from Boots that you'll leave on the bus.

Sluttishly Vegetarian: Spicy Lentil Protein Overload

"Hi everyone. My name's Sara and I'm a carboholic."
"HI SARA."
"It all started when I became vegetarian, and simply cut out meat from my diet without replacing it with anything. Except bread. And rice. And more bread. Also pasta."
"WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE."
"And now I'm 34, weirdly tired all the time, and wondering if carb overload has something to do with it. I think - I think I'm ready to embrace protein."
*crowd goes wild*

Fellow vegetarians, I have made us a quick and healthy and protein filled meal so we can stop having naps after dinner and instead get on with the serious business of going to the pub / hanging out with the cat / watching reruns of Don't Tell The Bride. Spicy lentils mixed with plenty of veg and topped with an egg make for an easy, comforting and brilliantly filling dinner.

You've probably got all the ingredients knocking around already, and can swap them for whatever you've got in the cupboard. I've used red lentils and split peas as the red lentils break down quickly while the split peas retain some texture, but you could only use red lentils or add puy lentils 

Spicy Lentil Protein Overload (serves 2)
Preparation time: 10 minutes
Cooking time: 1 hour

You will need:

• 1 garlic clove, crushed
• 1 red pepper
• 1 celery stalk
• 1 small onion
• Tin of chopped tomatoes
• 2 tbsp garam masala
• 300ml vegetable stock
• 75g red lentils
• 75g split peas
• 2 eggs

Make it!

1. Heat a good splash of oil in large saucepan over a medium heat. Chop all the vegetables and add them, along with the garlic, to the pan. Fry for 8-10 minutes until they're starting to soften and smell amazing.
2. Add the chopped tomatoes and garam masala and cook for a further 5 minutes.
3. Rinse the lentils and split peas and then add them to the pan along with the stock. Turn the heat down a little and let it simmer away until the red lentils are soft.
4. Heat the oven to 180C/350F/gas mark 4. If you're using an oven-proof pan, make two wells in the lentil mix and carefully crack an egg into each. If not, transfer the lentils to a small roasting dish before adding the eggs. 
5. Cook for 15-20 minutes, until the whites are opaque and the yolks are done to your taste.
6. Serve with salad or a mini naan bread. MINI. Don't ruin your good work by adding a mattress of bread.

Don't Be A Drag, Just Be A Queen

The internets has suddenly caught on to the wonder that is RuPaul's Drag Race. Honey, please - I've been watching those queens WERK IT for years. If you weren't there for Tyra Sanchez, don't even look at me. RuPaul has created the greatest talent search show by looking for the next drag superstar. It's much less bitchy than Next Top Model, and wonderfully OTT in every way. For example, here is RuPaul in a casual outfit, after setting the contestants a challenge:

I've learned that to be the most fabulous queen you can, you need certain things. So if you're ready, then start - your - engines.

1) The ability to throw shade, i.e. to dismiss someone with a roll of the eye or a casual put-down. For instance, this phrase:

Allow me to explain. If some tool* is all up in your grill*, you can own*** them with the phrase "Bitch, please."****

* fool

** being rather annoying

*** make a fool of them

**** "I simply cannot believe your audacity."

A drag queen doesn't take any nonsense. Let people know with this Bitch, Please t-shirt from Komiktee's official eBay outlet. It's £12.95 including postage.

2) Big hair. Remember: the bigger the hair, the closer to God.

Get enormous hair without hours of styling / ruined knotted hair with Backcomb in a Bottle by Umberto Giannini. Spray it onto your roots, zhoosh it up with your fingers and ta-da - big hair. It's £6 from Boots and is perfect for boosting fine or flat hair.

3) The ability to werk it.

To explain "WERK!", let us consult Urban Dictionary. To "werk it" is to "do something that is not glamorous, and make it glamorous." One might do this by wearing one's biggest heels to pay a library fine, putting the bins out in a full face of make-up, or wearing this WERK! necklace to work. It's £35 for a lasercut acrylic version covered in crystals, or £19.99 for a silver mirrored version, both by Tequila Star.

4) Fancy shoes

You were expecting heels, right? Well, these Irregular Choice Miss Low shoes are perfect for those of us who want sequins but can't manage big heels. They've got sparkles, a corsage, and a 4cm heel. They're £68 and exclusive to Schuh.

5) All your make-up, all the time. My friend and I play Pageant Face, where you have to make up your face like you're a 10-year-old gunning for victory in Little Miss Vegas. Channel this vibe for your best drag face. Tip: Vaseline on the teeth means your smile won't drop.

Set your make-up gun to drag with a Dragstar Superhero course from Illamasqua. You'll have two hours to find your inner creativity and learn about statement brows, feature exaggeration, lash effects and other techniques to "take you to the extremes of unearthly glamour". It's £50 which includes an Illamasqua product, and would make for an amazing hen do. If you're not near London, go and explore their online shop - incredibly high quality make-up in bold colours and flawless finishes.

And how do you get your face to stay on? A spritz of Urban Decay All Nighter make-up setting spray from Debenhams. Your face won't melt no matter how hot it gets - it'll stay perfect all night. Witchcraft.

So off you go, ladies and gents. I'll leave the final word to Ru:

Baking for Beginners: Black Forest Gateaux Cookies

Readers, cast your time back to this time last year, when Marks and Spencer brought out their greatest product to date: black forest gateaux cookies. Now despair that they no longer do them - those idiots! They had gold in their hands, and they threw it out like rubbish. They were soft, delicious pieces of joy, full of chocolate and cherries. If you wanted to taste heaven, you could warm them up. AND THEY DISCONTINUED THEM. My mum still insists on checking the biscuit aisle every time we visit M&S together, and her heart is broken afresh each trip.

So to cheer her up, I have baked some of my own. Rich with cherries, dark chocolate and a drop of kirsch, they're good for teatime and as a post-dinner pudding, warmed up with some ice cream on the side. And they are so quick to make, especially if you skip the soaking and just buy Sainsbury's Morello cherries in kirsch (find them in the baking aisle), although there is a strong risk you will eat them all when you open the bag.

Black Forest Gateaux Cookies (makes 24)
Preparation time: 15 minutes
Cooking time: 10 minutes 

You will need:

• 100g dried cherries
• 50ml kirsch
• 200g unsalted butter
• 170g light brown soft sugar
• 1 egg
• 1/2 tsp vanilla essence
• 1/2 tsp almond essence
• 220g self-raising flour
• 100g dark chocolate chips

Make it!

1. Start by soaking the cherries in kirsch for at least an hour. If you don't have kirsch, search your cupboards for a novelty liqueur you brought back from holiday with a picture of cherries on the front: observe the Portuguese ginja I used.
2. Cream together the butter and sugar until light and fluffy, then gradually beat in the egg, vanilla essence and almond essence.
3. Sift in the flour and gradually fold it in along with the cherries, chocolate and up to 1 tbsp of the kirsch. You can save the leftover kirsch HA HA HA only joking, obviously you've drunk it by now. Cook's privilege.
4. If you can bear it, chill the dough for two hours as the cookie texture will be better. Otherwise, just crack on and preheat the oven to 200C/400F/gas mark 6. 
5. Line two trays with baking parchment (don't worry if you've only got one, just cook them in two batches). Dollop rounded tablespoons of the dough onto the tray, evenly spaced as they will spread.
6. Bake for 8-10 minutes until the cookies are firm and browning at the edges, and the middles are soft and puffy. Leave to cook on the tray for 5 minutes, then transfer to a cooling rack.

Shop In The Spotlight: One Must Dash

I spent a long time thinking "One Must Dash" was a play on words for "one moustache", before realising that makes no sense at all. One Must Dash more likely refers to the two giddy Swedish women who run this interior design shop (look at their photo!), or the mixture of very proper typography and happy skippy sentiments.

Who among us doesn't love a passive-aggressive - or simply aggressive - statement once in a while? Avoid a very un-British outburst of rage and simply put up a This Is Not A Bloody Hotel print if you've got an unruly housemate or child. Be warned: the target of your annoyance may simply coo over the beautifully laid out fonts and striking monochrome. It's £35 or £55 for a bloody enormous version if you're really Very Cross Indeed.

You know which day is a damn good day for a disco? EVERY DAY! If you're not dancing to Magic FM in your kitchen every evening, you're barely living. Send this card to any friends you're worried might not be getting their disco quota. At £2.80, you can send it to all your friends, just in case.

Nothing sums up the disappointment of a terrible date like "I Shaved My Legs For This?". As the country song says: "Well, it's perfectly clear / Between the TV and beer / I won't get so much as a kiss / ... Darling, did I shave my legs for this?" Honey, if he's really worth it, he won't mind a sporadic whip round with a razor when you can be arsed.

Never mind the romantic message ("Hello dear, just needed to tell you I love you"), check out that typewriter! Cor. I miss typewriters sometimes - the clatter of the keys, the way they weren't linked to the eternal distraction of the internet, the ping at the end of a line. Then I remember Tippex and having to change the ribbon, and I am grateful for laptops.

One Must Dash don't just do prints - look at their Not Another Bag canvas tote bag, with an envelope print that makes it look like an enormous letter. Leather handles mean it won't break on the bus either. It's yours for £55.

Baking for Beginners: London Cheesecake

London cheesecake has nothing to do with (a) London, (b) cheesecake, (c) cheese or (d) cake. I imagine a chap from Ealing going abroad in 1952 and his friends saying, "hey, Dave - what's this cheesecake concoction we hear so much about?", and him confidently saying "why, I shall make you one!", only to realise he has no clue where to begin and simply mashing together everything he finds in the fridge before presenting it as "London cheesecake".

It's more like a flaky pastry Bakewell tart: crisp puff pastry filled with velvety almond cream and a healthy dollop of jam. And so ludicrously easy to make that you could make them with with bored kids over the Easter break.

You can join the London Cheesecake Facebook page and follow the current debate raging about whether jam is or isn't acceptable. It's like the Devon and Cornwall scone wars all over again (jam first or cream first? Will there ever be peace in our time?).

London Cheesecake
Preparation time: 15 minutes
Cooking time: 20 minutes

You will need:

• 50g butter
• 50g caster sugar
• 1 egg, beaten
• 50g ground almonds
• Packet of puff pastry
• A jar of your favourite jam
• 100g icing sugar
• 50g dessicated coconut

Make it!

1. Preheat the oven to 200C/400F/gas mark 6. Line a large baking tray with baking paper.
2. Start by making the frangipane. Cream together the butter and caster sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in the egg and almonds and set aside.
3. Roll out the puff pastry to 2-3mm thick. Cut it into 6 pieces lengthways, and then halve all of them horizontally. Put 6 pieces on the baking tray.
4. Place a teaspoon of jam in the middle of each piece and spread it out evenly, leaving a gap around the edges. Add a blob of frangipane pieces and spread it on top. Cover each with another piece of pastry.
5. Bake for 20 minutes until well-risen and golden brown.
6. While they're cooling, make the icing. Sift the icing sugar into a bowl, then gradually stir in enough water to make a smooth, thin icing. When the so-called "cheesecakes" are cool, dip the tops into the icing, and then into a bowl of dessicated coconut. Eat!

Etsy Pick: Gallons Of Ink

Shout out to my fellow Sluttery insomniacs: who amongst us hasn't done some 5am shopping and ended up with a tote bag featuring two rabbits singing Ignition by R Kelly?

Let's have a close-up on their little bunny faces.

I have no idea how I stumbled across Gallons of Ink on Etsy in the early hours, but I am delighted I did. Chloe, the creator of this masterpiece, has a pleasingly offbeat eye for pieces that cross the line from whimsy to "oh WOW I need this in my life." Could I have guessed I needed a Watership Down / R&B mash-up? No. And yet my PayPal account was fired up within minutes.

This has the fabulously deadpan description "a tote bag featuring a hamster wearing a crown, surrounded by Lady Gaga lyrics from the song 'Born This Way'".

Whereas this tote bag features a bearded cat called Tobias. He doesn't get any lyrics. Tobias doesn't need any lyrics. He has a magnificent beard. Like all the bags, he's £7.

Look at Mr Raccoon! His tiny inquisitive face! He doesn't understand your need for an espresso cup and saucer when you could be rummaging in a delicious bin, but he will accept it. He's £10.75.

  

It's R2-TEA-2! If you love a pun, a good cup of tea, and Star Wars, then this R2D2 teapot and teacup is for you. Sadly the Lego Yoda is for photographic cuteness purposes only. You can have it for £24 and you absolutely must say "the tea is strong with this one" when you pour it. Everyone will think you're ever so hilarious.

Laika was the first dog in space (note: not the first dog to return from space. Poor Laika), and you can commemorate her exploration with this adjustable ring for £5.

Go and explore the whole Gallons of Ink shop to find more ridiculous and excellent (ridiculent? (oh god, sorry)) fripperies.

Sluttishly Vegetarian: Malaysian Laksa

Dear The Weather: you are too warm for hearty stews, but too cold for me to be satisfied with a salad-based tea. I call this season 'Sprinter' or 'Wing' because it's a weird in-betweeny time that means I don't know how to dress or feed myself. It is a time for layers, an emergency scarf in every bag, and dinners that deliver a warming kick without being carb overload.

So hello laksa, a spicy and fragrant noodle soup that is pleasingly fast to cook and will leave you satisfied but not stuffed. Popular in Malaysia but found all over south-east Asia, it's a noodle soup that comes with a gently spiced broth and your choice of protein. This veggie option uses Quorn pieces, but you could use lightly fried tofu pieces or, if you're not vegetarian, prawns or sliced chicken.

Malaysian Laksa (serves 2)
Preparation time: 15 minutes
Cooking time: 10 minutes

You will need:

• 2 shallots, chopped
• 1 chilli, chopped
• 1 garlic clove, crushed
• 5cm piece of ginger, grated
• 2 stalks of lemongrass, chopped (or a squeeze of lemongrass paste)
• 125g Quorn pieces (or alternative)
• 200ml coconut milk
• 150ml vegetable stock 
• 100g egg noodles
• Small handful of coriander leaves, chopped
• 1 lime

Make it!

1. Heat a tablespoon of oil in a large saucepan or wok over a medium heat. Add the shallots, chilli, garlic, ginger and lemongrass for 2-3 minutes until your kitchen smells amazing.
2. Stir in the Quorn pieces and then add the coconut milk and stock and bring to the boil. Turn the heat down and leave to simmer while you cook the noodles according to the packet instructions.
3. Add the cooked noodles to the soup and stir through. Divide the soup between two bowls and garnish with the chopped coriander and a squeeze of lime juice.

Fancy Bathroom Bits On A Budget

Readers! Last month, I got my bathroom done. Regard the before and after:

Before: dirty protest chic. After: SO FANCY.  I have reluctantly dragged myself from my bath to show you how to fill your bathroom with lovely things.

Labour and Wait have gorgeously packaged bathroom stuff, like this Portuguese face cream. Everything looks like you've inherited it from your very stylish grandmother.

Thanks Alphabet Bags, I AM looking pretty sharp today. Put your daily make-up into this complimentary canvas pouch rather than strewing it all over the sink, you hussy.

"Modesty is the best policy" claim the Men's Society. But they also say they stock the perfect gifts for men, so what do they know? My XX chromosomes adore the simple style and font, so there.

Stock this hangover balm next to your ibuprofen, eye mask and milk thistle. Apply Me promise it will help with nausea and tiredness, thanks to a combination of cocoa butter, avocado butter, lemon, fennel, juniper and cedarwood. Sounds good enough to spread on your toast (do not attempt this with a hangover. Or ever).

Fill this vintage style apothecary jar with cotton wool or flowers or decanted bubble bath. No-one will suspect it's really Matey's when the label claims it's an invigorant for brain and nerves.

Also from Dot Com Gift Shop is this tiny first aid box, just big enough for some paracetamol, plasters, two Berocca and a sachet of Lemsip. There is nothing that can't be cured with them. NOTHING. You can buy a bigger tin or even a whole medicine cabinet in the same style.

Look at these blue headache cure bottles - much fancier than a box of Nurofen. I think I'll do as Pedlars suggests and stick some flowers in mine.

And finally, pop into your local independent chemist. Westbury on Streatham High Road stocks wonderful and mysterious items such as this dog oil. Is it for massaging dogs? It is made from the oil of dogs? I don't dare ask.

Sluttishly Vegetarian: Naanwiches

For those of you who don't dwell in south London, naanwiches are sold in Brixton and make for the greatest Sunday brunch ever, especially if you're a little bit delicate from the night before and need something to fix you. As the name suggests, they are delicious, fluffy naans and come stuffed with fried halloumi, chickpea mash, and coleslaw. They are all the good things, wrapped in carbs. There is nothing not to love, my friends.

I've made a few changes - mainly because I haaaaate coleslaw. HATE IT - but stayed true to the Nour Cash and Carry original naanwich. If you're going to make your own naan, go for Dan Lepard's recipe. It's not available online but if you don't have a copy of Short and Sweet, you are enormously missing out.

Naanwiches (serves 2)

You will need:

• 2 naans - the bigger and fluffier, the better
• 1 tin of chickpeas, drained
• 2 tbsp olive oil
• 1 tsp ground cumin
• 1 tsp cayenne pepper
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1 pack of halloumi, drained 
• Gem lettuce, leaves washed and torn into strips
• Chilli sauce
• Splodge of hummous (optional)
• 1/2 lemon

Make it!

1. Start by preheating your oven to 200C/400F/gas mark 6. Place the chickpeas, olive oil, cumin, cayenne and salt in a large bowl and toss to combine. Spread the chickpeas evenly on a rimmed baking tray and roast for around 30 minutes, until crunchy.
2. Chop your halloumi into 1.5cm thick slices and fry in a dry pan over a medium heat for a 2-3 minutes each side, until evenly brown. Cut each piece into 1cm wide lengths.
3. Now naanwiches: assemble! Take your naans, and arrange half the chickpeas on each one, followed by the halloumi, lettuce, hummous (if it's looking a bit dry), chilli sauce, and squeeze of lemon. Fold each in half and devour.

Design Porn: Me And Zena

I could tell you I was showing you Me And Zena because of their giddy, playful designs, their zodiac rings, their unicorn collection, or their general obsessive teenager/pop princess mood, but I'd be lying. I desperately want to show you their kitty look book:

Look at her face! She gives not one single fuck about the trinkets around her. I love her.

We've banged on about Me and Zena before - remember the dripping paint heart necklaces? - but it's time to introduce you to all their loveliness.

Why did no-one tell me midi rings exist? This is a whole new body area - the middle of your finger, if you're as confused as me - to adorn with jewellery. This fortuna midi ring comes with a shimmering silver-opal crystal and a twisted gold band. Even better, it's in the sale.

This weekend, I went to a Liberace themed hen do. There were capes and jewels and a screening of Behind the Candelabra and, unrelatedly, llamas. I believe Liberace himself would have approved of this gold unicorn necklace. He would have worn it with 23 other necklaces and described it as "this old thing". There are unicorn earrings and a unicorn ring if you prefer a more low-key mythical beast.

This rainbow ring is so pleasingly chunky. Wear it on two fingers like a twee-est knuckleduster on earth.

This loveometer heart spinner necklace will settle, once and for all, whether your amore loves, likes, hates, or lusts for you. The description says "100% accuracy guaranteed!" so I presume it's done with scientific algorithms and nothing as crass as random chance.

It's a tiny pencil ring! I don't really know what else to say! You will either fall in immediate and inexplicable love with it, or you will be wrong.

Now go and explore the rest of Me and Zena, including their blog with lots more cat pictures and things that aren't cat pictures that you can scroll past quickly to get to more cat pictures.