Sluttery Sales Spy: Collectif, ASOS & Schuh

On your marks, Spyettes... get, set, SALES SHOP! 

THE DRESSES

Regina herringbone dress, £25 (was £58.50), Collectif

I feel a little trembly looking at this Regina dress from Collectif, but that's probably because the model looks like she's going to give us a ticking off for being too loud in class. She's just disappointed in us, isn't she? I mean, I can tell she gets the hilarious joke we were laughing at, she may even be vaguely amused by it, but shouldn't we just know better than to misbehave in this way? Aren't we too old for this? The only way we can redeem ourselves is to buy a glamorous grown-up lady dress right away.

Nishe sweetheart dress, £36 (was £45), ASOS

LOVE THIS. Covered buttons will always have my heart. And, for reasons that will become clear in the fullness of time, this Nishe dress is the perfect thing to wear while inhaling the beautiful aroma of your new candle that you'll be buying at the end of this post. 

THE SHOES

Wonder Woman Converse hi-tops, £39.99 (was £55), Schuh

We've long been fans of these Wonder Woman Converse. I favour a hi-top, because in my head I'm 17 and shuffling around aimlessly. I'm actually 34, but the shuffling around aimlessly part still applies. In my head I'm also Wonder Woman, and nothing in my life suggests that this isn't complete reality.

Park Lane weave sandals, £30 (was £45), ASOS

I like these Park Lane sandals because they remind me of the time when I was little and Mama B wore strappy sandals in the garden and by the end of the day she had stripy suntanned feet that made us laugh. I've secretly been trying to recreate the look ever since, but it turns out my mum kept her Georgian suntanning genes to herself.

THE BAGS

Disaster Designs rabbit purse, £21.99 (was £26.99), Maia

Thought we'd got rabbits out of our system? Think again. Disaster Design's Heritage & Harlequin collection is big on all of Domestic Sluttery's favourite furry friends: bunnies, foxes, deer, horses, and, um, tigers. This rabbit purse is great, and there's a clutch in the same design if you're the sort of person who can fit anything but a used tissue into a clutch bag. Obviously I can't, for reasons discussed here at length before. It's a human rights issue, really.

Aubrey Pembroke tote, £78.50 (was £185), ASOS

I've been keeping my eye on this Aubrey bag for a while. It used to be £185, which is obscene, but now it's got more than a hundred quid knocked off. It's leather - you'd bloody hope so for that price - and while it's not really my bag because bright blue is not one of my top five colours (it's also literally not my bag, because I haven't bought it, stolen it, or "borrowed" it from a friend), I am a fan of the shape and that suede pocket on the front. You have my blessing to buy the bag.

THE HOMEWARES

Owl lamp, £45 (was £65), Rose & Grey

Yes to novelty lamps of all kinds. This owl lamp from Rose & Grey is my definition of minimalist, because it's white. I realise other people may not class a big fuck-off owl as minimalist, but if you had ever seen my home, you would understand. It looks like there's been a rainbow massacre in here, guys. It wasn't me, Officer Pantone, I promise you. Look - it was probably that unicorn galloping away. Yup, that one wearing a glittery balaclava. FOLLOW THAT UNICORN. He is the culprit.

To sum up: everyone needs a white owl lamp. It gives us a sense of control in a world full of chaos.

Pure Radiance Yankee Candle in Stargaze, £17.49 (was £24.99), House of Fraser

Despite still being a little bit pissed off with Yankee Candle for getting rid of my favourite scent, Mountain Lodge (working title for my autobiography: Everything I Like Gets Discontinued. See also Zoom ice lollies, Fry's Five Centres, Creamola Foam, tomato sausages, that really nice Turkish Delight pudding M&S did for two days, Pushing Daisies, Wonderfalls), I do love their candles. I also love anyone who tries to invent a smell for a pastime, concept, or event. Yankee Candle are very good at this. I mean, what does a child's wish smell like? I dread to think.

Anyway, House of Fraser has a candle sale, which means you can pick up this ginormous Pure Radiance Yankee Candle for just £17.49. I've chosen Stargaze, presumably the scent of Prof. Brian Cox, or possibly Eratosthenes. Let's hope for the former, as the latter might be slightly whiffy by now. There are plenty of others in the sale if astronomers, living or dead, are not your home fragrance of choice.

NEWSFLASH: Mountain Lodge is back for a limited 'special appearance'. I am overjoyed, so much so that going back to rewrite that paragraph in light of this wondrous news is INCONCEIVABLE.

Sluttery Sales Spy: Ted Baker, Miss L Fire & Hobbs

You've just bought a one-way ticket to Salesville... first stop: Bargain Town! It's a long journey, but the trolley serves gin and crisps. Choo choo. 

THE DRESSES

Louche Shari dress, £30 (was £55), Joy

From afar, and if you scrunch up your eyes (only fleetingly, please - wrinkle danger), this Shari dress from Joy looks like something Monet may have painted, had he gone wild and broken out the old Cobalt Turquoise Light paint once in a while. Up close, however, we realise it's just like those floral nylon sheets your gran had left over from the Sixties. To clarify: this is no bad thing. I'm guessing the dress is less itchy than the original sheets were. Thankfully.

NW3 Tiny Butterfly dress, £69 (was £99), Hobbs

Hands up who's seen their first butterfly of the year? I have seen four! None as tiny as the eponymous tiny butterflies of this Hobbs dress, however. In comparison to these little buggers, mine were the butterfly equivalent of the Wandering Albatross. Or the Giant Teratorn! The Quetzalcoatlus! The Airbus A380! Oh, this is getting silly now. Stop it.

THE SHOES

Matilda heels, £39.99 (was £64.99), Miss L Fire

Shiny! And also matte! These Matilda heels from Miss L Fire are ever so wonderful, and if the green isn't your tasse de thé, they're also available in a rather fetching red and a sort of brown and pale pink combo. I like the tassels on the laces, and the scallop-edge details. Mmm, scallops.

Lucky Freckles shoes, £29.50 (was £74.99), Irregular Choice

DOG SHOES! Or PANDA SHOES, depending on whether or not you trust Irregular Choice's animal identification skills. I don't. They say panda, I say spotty dog, I am quite clearly correct. I've seen those cutesome giant pandas at Edinburgh Zoo and they don't look anything like this, mainly because this is a very small, very pointy dalmatian. And in a divinely ironic plot twist, the shoes have a kitten heel! OH, how that makes me chuckle. You should note that they have a tail around the back (generally that is where tails are found, but this is Irregular Choice and one can never be sure), and that they also come in a shade I will describe as tobacco-stained dalmatian. If only Claude had had a tube of that colour, eh? He'd have been way more successful.

THE SKIRTS

Check skirt, £17.50 (was £35), ASOS

I'm still very into checks, but as we hurtle through spring, a paler, more delicate plaid is called for. This skirt from ASOS is suitably transitional (look, Ma, I used a fashion word! Possibly incorrectly). It has a lovely texture (go and have a nosy up close), although I would probably suggest you don't copy this picture by tucking your hideous denim shirt into it. Totally up to you, though.

Ochelle Dancing Leaves maxi skirt, £70 (was £139), Ted Baker

Do I want to be swathed in yellow pleats? Why, yes, Ted, I do. I want to be Laura The Human Sunbeam, with happiness swooshing around my ankles and kindness soaring through my heart. Like a pacifist bepleated superhero.

THE HOMEWARES

Cornell desk, £185 (was £279, typically £499), Made.com

You know my VERY STRICT rule that everything in the Sales Spy has to be under a hundred quid? RULES ARE FOR FOOLS, KIDS. I couldn't pass up the opportunity to include this frankly magnificent pink Cornell desk from Made.com, because just look at it. You'll do brilliant things at this desk, like eating Jaffa Cakes and reorganising your button collection. It'll be worth every penny.

Bunny scissors and clips, £7.95 (was £14.95), Rockett St George

Once you've forked out all that money for a bright pink desk, you'll be wanting a carefully-curated selection of objets d'art and high-quality stationery items to scatter around it in a deliberately casual manner. Alternatively, you could opt for a rabbit with scissors for ears, eating a magnetic carrot with paperclip leaves.

How are you all, and have you bought anything nice recently? I have bought heaps, but it's all from IKEA, so I must shop vicariously. 

Sluttery Sales Spy: People Tree, Sugarhill Boutique & Habitat

It's time to sale away in a beautiful pea-green boat! I have the honey, the money, the small guitar, and I'm pretty sure I know where we can find a Piggy-wig. We may be away for some time, though. Possibly a year and a day? Can you get it off work? Yeah? Okay. Hop in. 

I forgot to tell you that we'll have to get married, too. I'm guessing you're fine with that. 

THE DRESSES

Peter Jensen Rabbit dress, £47.60 (was £68), People Tree

Let's begin in the spirit of Easter, with a whole bundle of bunnies. Confused? Come along, dear reader - let's peer and goggle at this Peter Jensen dress from People Tree:

RABBITS! So many rabbits. Clearly they've been breeding, as behoves them. The lesser-known Scribble Face rabbit is particularly fecund, as we can see here. Little buggers.

Botanical Garden dress, £25 (was £50), Sugarhill Boutique

*Wise Fashion Face* Botanicals are big this spring, usurping even our old favourite, the groundbreaking floral. Basically, get a twig or a leaf on your clothes, and you're going to be OMG TOTES ON TREND, etc. This Botanical Gardens dress from Sugarhill Boutique is handily named so we're in no doubt, plus there are definitely both twigs and leaves galore. Saves covering yourself in glue and flailing around in a park, doesn't it? Although that does sound fun.

THE SHOES

Forum heels, £69.95 (was £118), Anthropologie

I do like a jazzy heel. One thing, though: I don't understand how other women keep theirs looking nice. How do you do it, other women? I scuff mine on the very first wear, usually when stepping off the pavement. Am I just a bad walker? Should I be STRIDING, and therefore avoiding all potential scuffers? Before diagnosing me, you should note that I tore holes in two pairs of suede (it was fake suede, don't worry) shoes in ONE DAY last week, by opening my front door over the top of my foot. I may be a lost cause. These Forum heels from Anthropologie wouldn't stand a chance.

Senso Fado flats, £52 (was £128), ASOS

I have more success with jazzy toes, so hurrah for these Senso Fado flats, which have 60% off in the ASOS sale (I am not a natural maths person - I'm still learning my times tables at 34 - so I'm very proud of working out that percentage). I'm enjoying the cowboy-esque toe and the matte pink snakeskin. If you enter the code GIMME15 at the checkout any time between now and 8am on Monday, you'll get an extra 15% off. I'm not working it out for you. I am mathematically exhausted.

THE SKIRTS

Cat skirt, £11 (was £16), ASOS

Could this be the skirt to finally break my No White Please, I'm A Chronic Spiller rule? Quite possibly. Why? CAT FACES. If I spill, I'll just be adding some markings to their little white faces. Or paw prints!

Archival Collection No.2 Pencil skirt, £67.95 (was £98), Anthropologie

The toppest of top marks to the clever clogs who thought a pencil pencil skirt would be a good idea. IT IS. It is marvellous. Let's zoom in:

Ah! I'm having vivid and painful flashbacks to the time I visited the Pencil Museum and it was cruelly closed. I bet the whole thing is upholstered in pencil fabric. The silver lining here is that I can now wear a pencil pencil skirt when I finally get to go. Again. When it's open. Pfft.   

THE HOMEWARES

Set of four Freda spice canisters, £14.40 (was £18), Habitat

I'm a big fan of the concept of spice canisters. Wouldn't it be lovely to be shot of all those Schwartz jars - or the own-brand ones that are actually quite good because you can make rude words with them - and have all your spicy stuff arranged neatly in countertop-worthy containers? Yes, yes it would. Until you go to use your ground ginger and have to spend 15 minutes frantically inhaling cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, coriander, turmeric, garam masala, that hot chocolate you misguidedly thought you'd store in there... hmm. Non. But still - these Freda spice canisters from Habitat are very tempting. I'll just have to embrace random recipe spicing.

Alessi Tigrito cat bowl, £35.65 (was £47.50), Mulberry Hall

I've saved the best 'til last, haven't I? Darling little Nancy eats her dinner from this Alessi Tigrito bowl, and she is a big fan (I should point out that she's a cat, although goodness knows, I've been tempted to get one for my morning cereal). Cat food in one side, cat milk in the other, and the stainless steel inserts are easily removed for cleaning (they're dishwasher-safe, too). You can carry the bowls around by the cat's tail, which is novel, because hopefully you don't carry your actual cat around by its tail. PRO TIP: if you do, you're doing cats a bit wrong.

If yellow doesn't appeal, the Tigrito comes in black and white, grey and white, and pale blue, so you can match it to your cat. CATS CAN BE BLUE. I've seen Benny the Ball.

Have you bought anything nice this week? I bought shoes covered in cats. I may have a bit of a crazy cat lady reputation. 

Sluttery Sales Spy: French Connection, Vivien of Holloway & Office

SPYETTES, READY? Credit cards, you will go on my first whistle. Feelings of intense money-saving smugness, you will go on my second whistle. 3, 2, 1... *ear-splitting tootle*

THE DRESSES

Rosa halterneck dress, £59 (was £79), Vivien of Holloway

All together now: ♫ ♪ I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and bright! ♪ ♫ Yep, this Vivien of Holloway Rosa halterneck dress will bring out the twirly Maria in everyone, but hopefully not with the heartbreakingly unhappy ending though, eh? Poor Tony. Don't join a gang, kids. That's the moral of this dress. (Also, the dress is nothing like the one Maria wears. I just thought it was pretty.)

French Connection Richie dress, £34.50 (was £80), BrandAlley

I'm fond of this French Connection Richie dress because it's a bit like a crossword in negative. I'd like to fill her in (not in the Danny Dyer/Jason Statham/Ray Winstone sense of the word, you understand. Poor petal, she's done nothing to deserve that). I do the Guardian crossword every day (the quick one, not the cryptic one, because I keep forgetting how to actually do them), and last Monday I was rewarded by 2 Down's answer being LAURA. I was so pleased, I cut it out and kept it.

THE SHOES

Vent flats, £7 (was £20), Topshop

These Topshop shoes aren't really my usual style, but something about them being GOLDEN, snakey, shiny, and SEVEN POUNDS makes me want them. I'll be a proper little twinkle toes for sure.

Lola Ramona Angie P heels, £55 (was £110), Office

I approve of these Lola Ramona heels. According to Office, this Danish brand "walks away from everything mainstream". Things like polka dots, one presumes, and stripes. Bows? The colour green. OH DEAR. Never mind, Danish brand Lola Ramona, better luck next time. Your shoes are still dejlige.

THE BAGS

Leather doctor's bag, £52.50 (was £75), ASOS

What's up, doc(tor's bag from ASOS)? Leather, quilting, and a special zippy compartment down below, that's what. I love a frame bag at the best of times, and aforementioned special zippy compartment has made me want this one with a passion, because it will give me somewhere to store Hilary and Derren all the leaky things I drag about with me on a daily basis. There was an inexplicable incident with a miniature bottle of Dettol the other week. I didn't even know I owned a miniature bottle of Dettol. But there it was, pouring itself all over the inside of my bag. No germs on me.

Cat Flip clutch, £50 (was £90), Miista

Sian was extolling the virtues of Miista in her independent shoe round-up last week, and I'm going to echo her appreciation with a big yowl of LOOK AT THIS BAG! It's like a shiny, shimmery beetle, but without the shrieking and scrambling around for a newspaper to roll up and thwack it with. Don't thwack the bag, ladies. You are, however, permitted to shriek. I understand.

THE HOMEWARES

Ice cream print, £15 (was £30), Dowse

Much like fetch, we Sluts are trying our damnedest to make Summertime In April happen, and we obviously all think ice cream is the magical, transformational ingredient we need. We've already featured an ice cream dress and an ice cream blouse so far this year, so let me add an ice cream print to the mix and see if that works. There. I fully anticipate a heatwave tomorrow now. Cheques of gratitude in the post to me, Sian and Frances, please, for our unwavering dedication to the Summertime In April cause.

Set of four Forest Friends espresso cups, £16.50 (was £24), Oliver Bonas

Alternatively, we could try to make autumn happen by buying these Forest Friends espresso cups from Oliver Bonas. The saucers are decorated with leaves! The hare is my favourite. No, the squirrel! Maybe the deer. Oh, but look at the owl! I love them all EQUALLY.

ROLLERSKATES OF THE WEEK

Rookie Bella rollerskates, £40 (was £70), Urban Outfitters

Don't pretend you don't want these.

Are we all feeling fine and have we all been buying nice things? Do tell.

Sluttery Sales Spy: Collectif, Urban Outfitters & Joy

Purses: ASSEMBLE.

THE DRESSES

Nancy dress, £71.20 (was £89), Boden

I visited Boden with serious intent the other day. Usually I just find myself there by accident, chuckling merrily at the photos depicting a lifestyle I'll never have: a life replete with sun-kissed children, learning Mandarin, Russian, Esperanto and Makaton at school, their weekends filled with harp lessons and archery; of husbands for whom thought seems an impossibility, but anoraks are very important; and of women who wear things called towelling hoodies, whose working day consists of simply clutching their throats in awe of the brilliance of yellow pencils. 

This time was different, though; this time, I wished to buy something. I wanted me a slice of Boden life: specifically, the Nancy dress. Named after my very favourite feline (or so I imagine), this dress has made me reconsider my Boden stance, and I'm pleased I have. When you scrape beneath the catalogue-perfect surface, there are some lovely bits and bobs to be had. Plus, there's up to 40% off everything until Sunday, so that's nice. Excuse me while I tinkle my harp for a moment in appreciation. 

Lisa tartan dress, £30 (was £59.50), Collectif

Sales Spy points go to Frances this week, for alerting me to Collectif's excellent sale. I love this tartan dress, I love the model's hair and make-up, and I loathe her shoes, but as Meatloaf would say - and indeed has, at length - two out of three ain't bad.

THE LEOPARD PRINT

Leona leopard coat, £55 (was £110), Collectif

You probably won't be wearing a faux fur coat much during the day now that the weather has fractionally improved (you'll be needing a spring jacket, my dear), but for cooler evenings, or, say, October 2015 when you finally manage to get a cancellation ticket to see Benedict Cumberbatch playing Hamlet at the Barbican (I already have it all mapped out, you see: catch his eye with a flamboyant fur coat; marry him. FLAWLESS PLAN, non? Absolutely fucking foolproof), you'll need this one from Collectif. 

(You'll notice leopard print has its own category this week. I am beside myself with excitement.)

Louche Barney leopard print skirt, £20 (was £36), Joy

Joy's mid-season sale is spectacular. There is so much to choose from, but I decided to plump for this Barney skirt ONLY, which is very restrained of me, but apparently other people use the internet, too, and I can't commandeer all of it for the purpose of ranting about things from Joy. I know, it's sad. Maybe next week.

THE JEWELLERY

Horse and carriage necklace, £42 (was £60), Tatty Devine

Remember when Katie Price married Peter Andre? Tatty Devine has immortalised that beautiful day with their horse and carriage necklace, a fitting tribute to one of Britain's enduring love affaiOHWAIT.

Me & Zena spiderweb necklace, £24 (was £40), ASOS

TRIGGER WARNING: spiders.

I'm getting Charlotte's Web vibes from this Me & Zena spiderweb necklace. Perhaps it's ever-changing? One day, you'll look in the mirror to find SOME PIG scrawled across your chest. Let's hope you don't ever wake up to find Charl's magnum opus hanging there. Shudder.

Anyway, buy this necklace, save a pig. Smashing.

THE HOMEWARES

Wilderness string dispenser, £14.95 (was £24), Anthropologie

Every time I enter an Anthropologie store, I pick up this bespectacled dude and LONG and YEARN and WAIL and WOMP. £24 seemed too much for an owl that spits out string, but £14.95? Completely acceptable. HE'S WEARING SCISSOR GLASSES, GUYS. I love him even more than BENEDICT. Gasp. (There's a fox, too, but his scissors confuse me.)

Essenza Aimee double duvet set, £65 (was £90), Urban Outfitters

I can't stop seeing a face in that side table. However, we're here to look at the bed, so wrestle your eyeballs away and concentrate instead on the cross-stitch effect duvet cover and pillows of glory. Also of note in the Urban Outfitters sale: that floral turntable I bang on about at every opportunity. Everything comes to she who waits. 

How are you all and WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN BUYING?

Sluttery Sales Spy: Hobbs, Oasis & Emma Bridgewater

A smörgåsbord of sales surprises, a medley of money-minding must-haves, a plethora of penny-pinching purchases! And an astonishing assemblage of absolutely awesome alliteration.

THE DRESSES

NW3 by Hobbs country dress, £77 (was £110), John Lewis

Oh, Hobbs, this is a reet nice pattern. I must say I'm not crazy about the matchy-matchy belt, so I'd probably swap it for another and use this one as a curtain tie-back or something. I'm actually quite proud of this idea. One curtain's going to feel left out, but hey-ho. Life's a bitch, curtain.

Patchwork dress, £18 (was £45), ASOS

WANT. That clashing panel continues around the back in a jaunty fashion, by the way. For inexplicable reasons, this patchwork dress makes me want to go on a picnic immediately. I think the flowers might attract wasps, though. Also I'll be cold.

THE SHOES

Jazz shoes, £28 (was £35), H! by Henry Holland at Debenhams

JAZZ SHOES. Hands up who was in an amateur theatre group at school? *Raises hand* White jazz shoes remind me of those heady days. Alas, mine did not have silver toecaps like these H! by Henry Holland numbers, a glorious design feature which I can only imagine would have massively improved my performances as 1) a blind apple seller, 2) a male gambler, 3) a scarecrow, 4) a Kit Kat girl, and 5) a disciple of Jesus. Prizes* for those of you who can correctly identify the musicals these roles belong to, with a bumper prize** for guessing number 3, because even I can't remember.

* There are no prizes.

** Sorry.

Swedish Hasbeens Lacy Sandals, £96.50 (was £129), ASOS 

Frances showed us some rather fetching red Swedish Hasbeens yesterday in her flat shoe extravaganza (she also cost me a fortune. OH, FRANCES. She does this a lot, everyone). These are a go-with-anything shade of quite-unlike-me beige, described as 'nature', but not really representative of the nature I have witnessed in my lifetime, with the exception perhaps of sand, palomino horses, and sawdust. Maybe Swedish nature is more beige. Anyway, they're ever so lacily pretty. There's also a really brilliant gold pair in a different style, but they break my "under a hundred or it's not coming in (to the Sales Spy)" rule. That's a new rule and liable to change at any given moment, depending on my mood. Stay tuned.

THE SKIRTS

Renaissance Rose skirt, £30 (was £40), Oasis

I am an extreme fan of this painterly Renaissance Rose print at Oasis. As well as this skirt, there's a dress, blazer, trousers, a top, and shorts. They are ALL in the sale. Good grief. Just don't wear them all at once, will you? Unless you're trying to conceal yourself in a darkened hothouse and are requiring of suitable camouflage, in which case FINE, I suppose. 

Midi skirt, £28 (was £45), ASOS

I love a kilt-like skirt, but as a Scottish person I do wonder if I look a little too tourist board when wearing one. Well, I don't care any more, because this midi skirt from ASOS even has kilt straps, and it's ace, so I am purchasing it AT ONCE. Needless to say, I won't be wearing it with the rest of the get-up in this photo, in particular the open-toed ankle boots that look like a dead armadillo. NO.

(On a related note, when I was a teenager, my one great fear was being sent away to the local boarding school, where they wore knee-length kilt-like skirts. At the time, I thought a knee-length kilt-like skirt was the worst possible item of clothing in the entire world. Isn't it funny how tastes change? I like courgettes now too.)

THE HOMEWARES

Seletti Hybrid Ipazia plate, £40.17 (was £66.95), Graham & Green

I'm as keen on this Seletti Hybrid plate now as I was a year-and-a-half ago when I first discovered the range. At £40, it's for looking at not eating off, in my house at least, but I wouldn't want to obliterate those patterns with food anyway. Maybe, MAYBE a strategically-placed French Fancy. Nothing more.

Fox & Squirrel mugs, £30 (was £39.95), Emma Bridgewater

Emma Bridgewater has a nice little 2-for-£30 promo on all her animal, bird, and flower mugs at the mo, which'll save you just shy of a tenner. You can spend your savings on gin to fill the mug (I should probably mention here that they hold a half-pint. Maybe get some tonic as well, yeah?). You can mix and match any of the eligible designs, or opt for a ready-made pair, like this lovely red fox and red squirrel combo. They come in a box, as those of you with eyes will see from the photo, and I think this would be a smashing gift for a redhead. Hopefully not literally smashing, though. 

TWO-HEADED CAT DRESS OF THE WEEK

Your Eyes Lie cat dress, £25 (was £47.60), ASOS

Why have a one-headed cat when you can have a whole dress full of two-headed cats for just £25? This is bonkers, and I adore it. No other two-headed cat dress could compete this week, and let me tell you, there were a great many contenders. 

How are we all?