The Sluttery Guide To Excellent Nails

My nails are now so awesome that they have turned into a terrifying dragon

 We love nails at Sluttery HQ. I owned 62 nail polishes as a teenager. My Twitter background is the Jaws manicure I got WAH! Nails to do for me the very first time I visited and Sara has one of those amazing/terrifying nail wheels on which she has painted every single one of her (vast) polish collection for reference.

You don't need talons in order to paint them nice colours, but there is something very chic and satisfying about having nails with actual whites that extend for 2 or 3mm. My nails are usually so incredibly thin and flakey that the only time I had really nice nails, I'd either paid for UV gel ones, or been on holiday somewhere hot and rubbing in sun cream every day.

I even tried those Perfectil supplements for three months, but no joy. I've tried Norwegian hand creams, nail-specific hand creams, OPI Nail Envy - nada. I have, however, spent a ton on trying to make my nails look nice over the years, so I promise that when I say these products work - they work.

Here are three products that will give you gorgeous nails. Pick one, any one.

Whenever I need cheering up, I like to go and browse the toiletries aisle at the nearby Waitrose. Feeling in need of a particular treat, I picked up this gorgeous-smelling, rich almond and milk hand cream (£9.99) from Burt's Bees a few months ago and have barely made a dent in it.

Sweet almond oil, vitamin E and beeswax do the business on your hands. I keep it on my desk at work and rub a smudge of it into my hands and cuticles a few times a day. It has a completely wonderful smell: at once fruity, dusky, almondy and rich, which makes me feel like a really expensive handbag getting some upkeep.

I'd never heard of Balance Me before I got a sample in a goodie bag after a brilliant Red Network event on writing at the The Hospital Club (I very much recommend these, I loved it).

This is a STUNNING hand cream, so packed with lavender, geranium, patchouli and bergamot that it sends me straight to sleep. I have to keep it on my bedside table to melt in overnight or I'd never get anything done. Super moisturising hand cream comes in three sizes costing £10, £12.50 and £14.50 and I feel ridiculously soothed the minute I get it on my hands.

So, my nails have grown like billy-o just by remembering to rub in nice thick creams through the day, but if you need a quick fix, or just can't stand creams, then Sally Hansen is THE BOMB.

I've tried quite a few of the range over the years, and to my mind the best one is Nailgrowth Miracle (£9.99). Just paint it on every other day and slowly but steadily you'll end up with lovely strong nails.

And when you've got your lovely nails, what to paint them? Answer: anything you like, with whatever you like.

Just remember the three commandments of nails:

• Don't pick your polish off
• Don't pick your polish off
• DON'T PICK YOUR POLISH OFF!

Ickle Bockles

I'll be straight with you, the name Ickle Bockles makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit. But then dammit, I realised that the company is actually a brilliant idea. They sell sets of LITTLE BOTTLES (see how easy it was to say that like a grown up?) that are totally compliant with EU flight regulations.

If you've ever been stood in line at airport security wondering if your bottle of perfume is the right size, or if you're allowed your contact lens solution in your carry-on, you'll know how annoying it is when they take your bottles away and you have to buy more on the other side. There's always one that you forget about. Ickle Bockles might not be able to answer the 'is lip gloss a liquid?' question, but their little travel kits are ideal for trips away.

The flight-friendly Ickle Bockle Bank (for the love of GOD, why can't it be called something else?) is a very reasonable £10.50. Try your best to forget the name and fill them with your best toiletries. You'll never have to worry at airport security again.

Paul & Joe Spring Lipstick Shades

I'm stuck in a bit of lipstick rut. I tend to wear the same shade of lipgloss all the time (Rimmel Vinyl Lip in the rather gorgeously named 'Snog') and I have done for years. I need a bit of a change.

Last year Paul & Joe did their kitty lippies and blushers, do you remember? Well as cute as they were, I'm not sure my lipsticks need ears and whiskers. Now they've gone and launched their Limited Edition Spring range and there are twee and teeny little paw prints on them. Oh, it's just too darn cute.

If these colours weren't perfect for me, I'd dismiss them as being too girly. But the pale pinks and browns are ideal for my pasty white skin pale English rose complexion.

They're £16 and you can buy them from Candy Candy - a teeny little accessories boutique based in Leeds Corn Exchange.

Yay or Nay: Dry Shampoo

This weekend, I mentioned on our Facebook page that I was going out dancing on Easter Sunday and had cheated while getting ready. Instead of spending hours doing my hair and make-up, I opted for an extra long nap and used dry shampoo. Yep, a quick spray of the canned goodness and I was ready to go.

Yet some of you were quite adamant that it should only be used at festivals, and even Sunday dancing is not an excuse for such laziness.

But I am lazy. I have super long, thick hair and it usually takes a good hour to wash and style. That's a lot of faffing. I'm not one for faffing on a Sunday. There was dancing to be done and I was already late! There's a lot to be said for the styling perks - dry shampoo can be very handy when you're trying to put your hair up and it's being stubborn.

For everyone who loves a bit of Batiste (just £1.49 from Superdrug), there's someone who hates it and thinks it's more than a little bit gross. Let's settle this once and for all with a little poll. Dry Shampoo: yay or nay?

Smell like Conran

Ask me to think Conran and first of all I think of the lovely Conran shop and exactly what I'd buy from there when I win the lottery. Then I might think of some nice chairs or tasteful kitchen utensils. But toiletries had never crossed my mind until I was sent some items from the new Conran bath and body range. Recently launched, it includes everything from hand cream to body scrub. It makes sense: why not well-designed toiletries to fit into a well-designed life?

My first thought on receiving the packages was "oh, it reminds me of CK One." That's perhaps not the best immediate reaction to a new launch but it was kind of a compliment: paired-back good-looking bottles, unisex, scents that are given a number (range '1' and '2') rather than a name. However, these Conran goodies are impressive through their substance with chunky tubs and bottles and a weight I'd probably associate more with food storage jars rather than toiletries.

I liked the way that the bottles looked in my bathroom - the green of the jars and bottles I sampled from range 2 looked fresh and clean, and the orange trim stopped it looking too 90s and my usually unobservant flatmate actually bothered to ask me about them. That wasn't the only comment on them either, as several work colleagues asked me what I was wearing, sniffing the scent after walking past my desk. That was the result from just using the bath wash and the moisturiser. While I normally go for quite girlie fragrances, this scent was a nice change. Containing lemon, green stems and mandarin, it smelt slightly heavier, and perhaps slightly more blokey, than you might imagine than those ingredients to be together (range 1 is probably even more potent as it contains cardamom, pepper and nutmeg).


My head had a little problem getting round the fact these were toiletries from a design brand, rather than a beauty company. I was especially suspicious of the body lotion: I suffer from quite dry skin and am using to coating myself in layers of thick creams. This Conran cream was light and runny and looked like it might not be up to the job. In fact, after application, I probably had the softest skin I'd had for a very long while. Reviews of the hand cream and shower gel on the John Lewis website seem to tell of similarly satisfied customers.

The range worked in term of looks, fragrance and doing what it was meant to. I'd tried it out before even looking at the price. I'm glad I did as the price may well have clouded my opinion: the bath wash is £16, the hand cream is £12 and the body lotion I'd become so attached to is £26.

I don't think a £26 body lotion would ever be part of my daily routine. But I do think this range would be a great present for any vaguely stylish dads, boyfriends and brothers you may have. Your bathroom will look a lot prettier for having these in there, the men in your life will smell much better, and then you can nick it and use it too.

GELeration: Taylor Taylor's Magical Manicure

Boutique salon Taylor Taylor is like being in the collective brain of the Domestic Sluts. You know you're not in your grandmother's hairdressers when you walk in to find a gigantic fluffy unicorn and enormous Christmas swan on the counter of a cocktail bar. Yes, a cocktail bar. This is why evening appointments are a must - it seems a waste to pop in on your lunch break and have a cup of tea when you know a complimentary Martini could be yours.



When I lived in east London, Taylor Taylor was my regular hairdressers. Here's why: a lithe young man takes you downstairs to a golden dungeon, where he washes your hair while you try and fail to make small talk because you're inwardly squeeing with excitement. Then a super-cool but super-friendly hairdresser brings you a drink on a gold tray and styles your hair while you stare at the glorious decor. Huge gilt-edged mirrors, shabby chic dressers and eclectic vintage decor - not to mention some excellent tattoos on those hairdressers - are far more interesting to gaze at than last month's magazines.

This time, I was there to try out their Jessica GELeration manicure. This promises three weeks of shiny, chip-free nails, so your only worry is getting sick of the colour. As someone who regularly smudges or chips my nails within minutes of painting them, this was quite the claim.

Antoaneta picked out a vivid blue for me and explained how the process works. It's like a normal manicure except each coat is sealed under a UV light, which means you're good to go straight away as your nails are completely dry at the end. It also doesn't damage your nails like acrylics can. She gave my nails a quick tidy up, then applied a base coat, two coat of colour and a top coat, sealing with the UV lamp after each one. 40 minutes after walking in, I could put on my gloves and go.

Here are my nails on Day 1:

Day 1

It's a super glossy, 'done' look - my nails looked too perfect to be real. They don't look like false nails but it's clear that I've had something special done, because you couldn't create that wet-look shine at home.

I was determined to put the three week claim to the test so here's why I've been up to.





DIY...

...washing up...

...gardening.





And here are my nails a fortnight later:

Day 15

You can see where my nails have grown, but there are no chips or tip wear. It's like magic. I'm seriously impressed at how long-lasting it is.

At £48 plus £10 for removal, it's too pricey to become a regular treat, but it would be ideal if you were going to a wedding or off on holiday, or anywhere you wanted to guarantee flawless nails that will look perfect for weeks.

Taylor Taylor has two east London salons. One on Commercial Street, one on Cheshire Street.

Adventures in Gin: Penhaligon's Juniper Sling perfume

Penhaligon's Juniper Sling

Gin can be a bit of a gag around Domestic Sluttery Towers; that we drink, bathe and live in it, that we can recommend our top 10 gins without turning a hair, that a week lived is not really a week at all unless something clear and elegant in a glass has graced it, that anything juniper-based will be gone in 10-15 minutes.

So I can't quite believe I've been testing a gin-based product for six weeks (and I doubt the PR can either - sorry ducks.) But this is because it's a GIN PERFUME. Is that not brilliant? Not literally, Penhaligon's Juniper Sling is based on the idea and scent of gin so you get the inspiration behind it - the blurb, rather wonderfully describes it thus:

A beloved and iconic tipple has been transformed into a complex and compulsive skin scent. Apply liberally and drink in.

Woof.

Perfume is such an incredibly subjective thing that it seemed rather pointless to dismiss one as lovingly created as simply by having a few whiffs and wearing it out.

Rather than just have a sniff and go yea, or nay, I wanted to test it on as many people as possible, gin afficionados or not, to get a common consensus. Also, this is not a cheap scent. The 50ml eau de toilette is £78 and the 100ml eau de toilette is £110. That's a price that deserves respect, as well as a small measure of fear.


I had been given a Penhaligon's atomiser (£16) filled with eau de toilette to test. After my initial screeches of joy, my first thoughts were wintry Narnia forests and a massive whack of black pepper. This scent wears very differently on people. On me, it settled into a stirring pine (not the Harpic variety) while on Siany it was very hot and peppery. I tried it on several men to wear and it works very nicely as a unisex scent.

To get a professional gin-drinker's opinion, I headed down to the marvellous Platform at London Bridge, where I was planning on having a catch-up gin with my friend Sara. I tried it on Kim the barman, who accepted a spray on the wrist and spent the evening conferring with the staff. They decided it didn't smell remotely gin-like, but enjoyed the peppery tones.

On the other hand, the amateur gin drinkers I polled loved it. I was genuinely surprised by how many people loved this perfume. I mean properly got excited by it rather than just going "Oh. Well that's nice." Over the course of a month I waved my wrist under the noses of about 50 people and spritzed the wrists of about 20 of same. I'd say 9/10 people thought it definitely smelled of gin and one of my colleagues was aghast at the idea of wearing it at all. "You'd smell like a raving alco."

Ok, it's suggestive but definitely not *that* suggestive. It's certainly not the same as dabbing yourself in a bottle of Tanq 10, but Juniper Sling certainly evokes a crisp g&t with a rather bewitching story on the side.

My main problem with a perfume this costly is that it doesn't come as an eau de parfum. One spritz of the EDT lasts about two hours, and you really want those Narnia tones to settle into your skin rather than prance back off into the wardrobe.

Penhaligon's Juniper Sling - 100ml eau de toilette (£110), 50ml eau de toilette (£78)

If you want to do something with gin RIGHT NOW (or at least, on Saturday 5 November) The Forge in Camden is hosting a gin-making workshop at 5pm.

The Vintage Tea Party: The Most Beautiful Book Ever?

I have a longstanding love affair with cookery books and beautiful illustrations. I used to read the cookery books over breakfast before school. And Jan Pienkowski's wonderful marbling and cut-outs for Joan Aiken's stories made me feel gloriously restless and like I wanted to fly away - and could! Although not after breakfast, probably.

So when I saw The Vintage Tea Party Book up for grabs at work, I pounced. It's beautiful. It has a window for the front cover! I LOVE windows I can't fall out of.

And look, when you open it - oh!




It's by a girl called Angel Adoree, who runs The Vintage Patisserie. She used to hold wonderful vintage shopping and eating events in east London, one of which I was lucky enough to attend back in 2007. It was bloody amazing and I fell madly in love with a belt.

This book here is filled with memories, party advice and gorgeous that are both easy and special - my favourite kind. The serving suggestions are just genius. Why the hell haven't I bothered serving juice in my nice tea cups? With a baby carrot stirrer. Or made bunting, or lollipops, out of sandwiches! OF COURSE I should be tarting up my pannacottas with cheap but gorgeous edible rose prints! As for striped meringues - well, I rest my case.

Bunting sandwiches!

It's also got advice on customising charity shop china, making your own hats, fool-proof fake eyelash application and patterns for making awesome aprons. But most of all, it's laden with practical advice for how to bring some extra wow into your party. Why I have never thought of freezing mango juice and mint to make ice cubes for bellinis before? What kind of shit have I been serving my guests?


Littered throughout are beautiful photos, and - my particular favourite - stunning illustrations. The illustrator isn't properly credited, unless Angel's talents extend to beautiful paintings? Although I was slightly confused by a mention of "Adele (illustrations)" in one of the great photo montages at the beginning of the book. Which Adele? Tell me, I want to buy your EVERYTHING.

This really is a book to savour, not just for its delicious and wonderfully creative recipes, but to remind yourself of the joy that comes from leafing through an beautifully put together book.

The Vintage Tea Party Book retails at £20, but you can buy it from a bunch of places like Amazon for £10.

NB - Thanks to reader Penny Dreadful for pointing out that the book's illustrator was indeed an Adele - Adele Mildred. Sadly there's nothing to buy on her website, but here's an interesting piece from the LA Weekly in 2007 about her.

Hello Beautiful!

Compact mirrors are a vital part of a Domestic Slut's handbag. If you're already a fancy powder purchaser, you'll have one in your make-up kit anyway, but the tiny little one in your Bourjous blusher doesn't cut it. It's got pink powder all over it for a start. And it's tiny so you can only see one corner of one eye. And you keep poking yourself with mascara.

This vintage-inspired compact from Aspire Style is a much better choice. Adorned with butterflies, cute stamps, buttons and lace, it's a really lovely design and just £8.99. I'd actually be more inclined to do my make-up on the train if I owned this. But I realise that shouldn't be a plus point.

Rouge Make-up School

I adore make-up - I look like an insane devil child without it - but my application of same Needs Work. I'm stuck in a rut, too: I only started lipstick two years ago, and last week realised I'd been using the same eyeshadow palette since I was 15 (Rimmel’s trio in Orion – amazing with blue/green eyes). I needed a clue. I needed to know what blusher was and how to not apply it in stripes.

Handily, Rouge Make-up School were offering a day course (six hours) at their north London branch for £65 instead of £135. Even better, another email came asking if I’d like to try it for free. Hurrah! (Sorry in advance for the many pictures of muggins, my classmates wisely banned me from snapping them).

Rouge is just round the corner from Euston station in a gorgeous boudoir over two floors. Downstairs, six of us with very varied colouring and skin types – black, white, Asian, 20s-40s – got to play with a ton of make-up, tools and those lovely lightbulb mirrors that make you look like a princess. This would be a brilliant place for a party (as the fridge full of Champagne suggested – jealous)

My 'evening look' station!

We were each given our own station neatly laid out with everything we'd need to put together our 'look'. While we all scribbled notes frantically, our incredibly skilful and patient tutor Sonia showed us a daytime look on her equally patient model, Tatiana. After watching her, we got to have a go on ourselves and pelt Sonia with questions. Contouring! How to use a Clarisonic properly! Eyebrows! Good beauty ranges for black and Asian skins! Sonia was a glorious answers dispensing machine.

Slap happy

My bugbear is suncare. Being very pale, I need a high SPF on my face, but most facial sun creams make me look like an oil slick. Instead of the pitiful SPF15 found in most moisturisers and foundations, Sonia recommended something like Shu Uemura’s SPF30 mousse primer which I’ll be investigating soon.

I was pretty chuffed with this daytime look – apparently, the secret of blusher is to pop it on your cheekbones rather than apple. Who knew?

Sadly, I totally flunked ‘evening’, a fantastic smoky eye. We started off by applying kohl all over the eyelid and then blending eyeshadow on top. Then I panicked and cocked the whole thing up. Rubbish. This was my Beauty School Dropout moment.

Once I’d taken the whole lot off and started again, Sonia very kindly took me through it step-by-step and while my classmates were absolutely leagues ahead (Caroline, who runs her own beauty blog, did it in about five minutes) I was happy with the end result.

Unleash the montage!


Individual fake lashes turned out to be a cinch and I’ll definitely consider using those again. After we'd all finished exclaiming over each other's looks and taking a million photographs of ourselves, we played around with red lipstick to get the perfect one for us.

It was heaven for me to get help choosing the right shade of foundation, blusher and so on and to try out lots of swish stuff I’d never ordinarily be able to afford. If you’ve got into a rut with your slap, or want help getting a particular look in a friendly, glamorous environment with advice on tap, I would absolutely recommend Rouge – thank you Sonia!

Rouge Make-up School, Chalton Street, Euston, NW1 1JD, 020 7836 5891.

Contact [email protected] to get on the mailing list for details of future offers or to book a session

Sluttish Steal: Cowshed

Let's face it ladies - you're either someone who's happy to spend £15 on hand wash and lotion, or you aren't.

I, as a rule, am not. I think it's frankly insane to spend so much money on hand wash, however delicious, when you could spend it on bath oil, moisturiser, or cocktails.

And yet, in the case of Cowshed, I am as much of a pushover as the offspring of a one-legged chicken and a bouncy castle. The Soho House chain uses the wash and lotion in all its venues and it smells like seductive miracles. My favourite is the Cow Pat lotion - there are many dodgy puns along these lines in the range. There's something citrusy there, but not too much. There's something teasingly oriental there too, but just a bit. The whole thing is like wrapping yourself in a really glorious towel.

Anywho, I mention this because it's on sale at my home away from home, Brand Alley, at the moment, so if you fancy treating your paws to something a bit freaking special, get on it sharpish. It's £11 instead of £16.

SEDUCTIVE MIRACLES!

Beautiful Brows: Shavata Brow Studio

Having eyebrows you can barely see is dead handy for cultivating total facial laziness. If you can't see them and plucking them into shape is almost impossible, why bother?

Well, I recently caught sight of my face in a bright light and was instantly cowed by how widely my albino brows had spread out of their appropriate zone. Nobody wants blonde caterpillars trailing above their eyes, so I followed a tip from Liberty London Girl and booked an appointment with Shavata Brow Studio to get them threaded into shape.

Wow. I mean, wow. I ended up with a perfect brow in next to no time, and as I forked out to get them tinted, the general public could actually SEE the glamorous, perfectly arched things perched on my head.

The only problem is that it's bloody expensive. Tinting and threading set me back a whopping £40, but I'm hooked now and I need to do it again.

Happily, to celebrate Shavata merging its Lash Lounge with the Brow Studio into one all-conquering Brow Studio, you can get eyebrow shaping for just £10 instead of the usual £17) in House of Fraser Victoria, Oxford Street, Richmond and Edinburgh until June 27.

I might save the cash on the tinting though, there's only so much laziness you can take out of the girl at one time...

Johnny's Sister Letter Soaps

I actually spotted these soaps over on Skin Deep Beauty Blogger's site. As I've got very seinsitive skin, I'm not a massive fan of soaps as I find them to be quite drying and my skin gets very unhappy. But I do like soaps that look pretty. Especially in pretty paper packaging.

And Johnny's Sister's letter soaps are really cute. Pick your own initials, give them as little gifts, or cute little wedding presents. His and hers soaps would be lovely. They're lemon and poppyseed scented, which actually sounds like they should be muffins, about I'm surprisingly OK with smelling like baked goods.

All you have to do is choose which letter you want, and then they're £5.99 each. Unfortunately I'll have to stick to initials. Spelling Domestic Sluttery would get very pricey indeed. Probably wouldn't fit on the bathroom shelf either.

Romeo & Jules Beauty Notecards

Now I've decided that I need to write more letters by hand, I'm on the lookout for the prettiest notecards and stationery I can find. If I've got pretty things to write on, I'll be more inclined to post things right? My search found me at Romeo & Jules, and ended at their Beauty notecard range.


"You are as wonderful as my favourite nail colour." Swoon.


Or how about the card that says "Your new hair colour is perfect."?


If I received a card that says "you look beautiful today and always", I'd be skippy and happy for the rest of the day.


This one says "Your new fragrance smells divine". Choose your recipient carefully, it could sound a teensy stalky.

I love these. They're not cheap at £18 for eight cards. But they'll make eight people you know and love smile for at least a whole day. Smiles are worth paying for.

Sale in the Spotlight: Anthropologie

My love/hate relationship with Anthropologie takes a little bit of a break in January. Today I'm all about the love. Now there's a sale on, I can actually afford to buy their pretty homewares, so it's safe to peruse the website and pick my favourite things.


Somewhat predictably, I'm smitten with this love letter bedding. They've only got the double duvet left, but that's £69.95 now. Still pricey, but it's 350 count cotton and... oh well just look at it and tell me you don't want to write about romantic secret affairs by candlelight.


None of my doorknobs have little drawings of Prague on them. These do. So obviously I want these. They're £4.95 each.


I love the designs of these city soaps. I'm also curious about what Kopenhagen might smell like. The soaps are £3.95 down from £8. You can also smell like Ghent if you like.


I can't go to Anthropologie and not swoon over the teacups. This one is such a stunning shape and £9.95 down from £16. Too small for tea, so I'll use it for bits and bobs, or for putting ice cream in.

Sluttery Beauty: Erno Laszlo, London

As you know, the Domestic Sluts are already super pretty, but sometimes even we need a little bit of help looking our best. So when I was offered a complimentary facial treatment at the new Erno Laszlo salon in Covent Garden, I was excited. Erno Laszlo is famed for giving acne-ridden princesses perfect skin, and Audrey Hepburn was a fan. That miss Hepburn had amazing skin.

I'd never had a facial before. This one was chosen specifically for me and my super sensitive skin (which had come out in a rash just days before, brilliant). I had a nose around the lovely venue. It's underneath L'Artisan Perfumeur in the cellars of Covent Garden market, and it feels like a super secret spa that you won't want to tell anyone about. Handy for you that I'm not a very good secret keeper.


The facial itself was super relaxing, if a little strange if you're not used to them. I didn't know I'd have to undress my top half, so that was a shock (note to self, don't go to facials wearing a dress). And having steam in your face is something you'll either enjoy or you won't. But I did find myself falling asleep once I'd got used to the prodding. I really enjoyed wearing moisturising mittens than felt like oven gloves. I also enjoyed trying not to giggle, aware of how ridiculous I must have looked.


Giggling aside (nothing to do with beauty expert Katie, who was fabulous and answered all of my questions, and didn't tell me off for having no real skincare routine), my skin looks pretty amazing now. It didn't change initially, and there was no real difference for the first 24 hours. And then BAM. Suddenly I looked healthy and well-rested. Like I hadn't had too many late nights and like I'd never had a drink in my life. Impressive.


The sixty minute facials at Erno Laszlo are between £45 and £60, which is a bargain considering how much better my skin feels. The skincare range they do isn't cheap, with each item coming in at £40. I haven't tried those yet. I've been assured that they last for months, and if they're as good as the facials, I might have to start investing. Anything that makes me look like I didn't stay out all night drinking cocktails throughout most of December worth paying for in my book.

You'll find Erno Laszlo at unit 13, The Piazza in Covent Garden Market. Perfect for making yourself pretty before Christmas parties, or sorting out your skin in the New Year.

Cute or Creepy? V&A Paper Horse Eyelashes

Now, I like horses as much as the next girl, but I'm not sure whether they belong on my eyelashes. Ting yu Wang would laugh at this idea though (in fact, maybe she'd laugh herself hoarse) as she's just launched these intricate papercut false eyelashes, available for pre-order from the V&A Museum.

Beautiful as they are, I'm not sure they have quite the intended effect when worn. From a distance they look like misshapen tarantulas have landed on your eyelids, and only if you dare to get up close do they reveal their true pretty-pony design.

So, what's the verdict - cute or creepy? I'm thinking they should have released these before Halloween...

Chinese Paper-Cute Horse Eyelashes are £14, available for pre-order from the V&A shop and come into stock next month.

Sweet Treats: Nails Inc's Mount Street polish

I try. I really do. But I have to concede that I'm not a natural baker. So my contribution to National Chocolate Week is to follow the amazing recipes the other ladies come up with, and suggest a way for us bad bakers to get in on the chocolate celebrations.

This Nails Inc polish, Mount Street, is the most beautiful velvety brown, just like chocolate.

For £11, it's a little treat that will go beautifully with the camels and greens of this winter (if you listen to fashion magazines) or the tartans, neon pinks and bright yellows (if, like me, you don't). It'll take less time to put together than an Earl Grey chocolate cake, but I can't guarantee it'll taste as good.

Luscious Lips: Love & Toast

What's not to love about this gorgeous lip balm from Love & Toast? First, lets start with the yummy natural ingredients - this luscious lip soother is petrolatum free and packed with extra virgin olive oil, organic jojoba oil and shea butter.

Now, peruse the packaging. It's a cute retro doodle of a cassette - the sort of thing I would have drawn on my exercise books at primary school in the eighties, if only I'd been a bit more artistically inclined.

And finally, I bring you to the flavour - it's lime & gin, yes that's right girls, a gin flavoured lip balm. It probably won't get you tipsy, but it might tide you over til pub time.

The balm costs £12.00 from ASOS, and there are lots of other pretty products in the range too.

Glitter Nail Polish: Models Own

I am like a magpie when it comes to anything shiny or sparkly: I see it, I pounce on it, I take it back to my nest flat. I've been on a quest for decent glittery nail varnish for years. My list of demands aren't excessive: it mustn't flake off within minutes, mustn't require 17 coats because it contains such a weeny amount of glitter, mustn't cost more than a cocktail.

And finally, my search is over. Models Own has a wide range of sparkly nail colours that are super easy to apply, last for ages - I've been wearing Emerald City for a week - and only cost a fiver. Get, as they say, in. My nails are very distracting when I try to type, but make me happy every time I look down at them.

Buy it online from the Models Own website or from some branches of Boots and River Island.