Sluttishly Sweet: Our All-Time Favourite Desserts

Darling readers, you must all be the size of houses now given the amount of dessert recipes we've thrown at you over the years. For those of you who can still fit through your kitchen door, here's a round-up of the very best of the last five years.

In my trawl through the archives, the word that came up most often was 'boozy'. Chocolate whisky custard doesn't just have to come out for Burns Night, and boozy rhubarb and ginger trifle isn't just for Christmas. Boozy chocolate fudge trifle is suspiciously simple - to make and eat - as are mulled pears.

Sorry, have we broken you? Have some hangover French toast.

My god, we loved a tart, be it Bakewell, custard, walnut and maple syrup, or a very simple pear. We branched out into tarte tatins - take your pick from peach and vanilla or apple and pear.

At our most sluttish, we made things you don't even have to bake, like our chocolate ginger muesli bites, no cook fudge, or this mille crêpes no bake cake (which is just 20 pancakes, not actually 1000. Calm down).

We made our own versions (albeit often more decadent) of existing puds, like walnut whips with brandy - we really did love adding booze - Toblerone delight, dippy egg and soldiers (SPOILER: actually chocolate mousse and shortbread) and, of course, cronuts.

And we were waaaay ahead of the Commonwealth Games curve when we gave Tunnocks teacakes the ultimate treatment: we deep-fried them.

Remember our ginger chocolate pots? They got a mention in the national press way back in 2010 and we all had conniption fits with excitement.

Caranutter pie. Caleigh dreamed it. It's beautiful.

Rose and pistachio kulfi. Better than ice-cream.

Raspberry, rose and pistachio vacherin. What even is a vacherin? Doesn't matter. Look at it. LOOK AT IT.

Café bombón panna cotta - looks like a drink, actually a dessert. Perfect to finish a meal...

 ... and a perfect way to finish this post. I can't believe I won't be back to write about unicorns  / cakes / kittens / shiny things / bits of ribbon, etc, but looking at what we've created over the years makes me very proud. I've had four years of joy writing for Domestic Sluttery, which isn't bad seeing as after Sian gave me the job and told me I'd have to do a recipe a week, I very nearly backed out immediately. THE RECIPE THING WASN'T IN THE JOB DESCRIPTION, SIAN.

Anyway, it's properly thrilled me every time someone has made one of my recipes or bought something from a tiny independent shop I've recommended, so thank you if you did. Do keep in touch on Twitter or I'll be ever so cross.

Hand Over Your Fairy Cakes!

Hand Over Your Fairy Cakes not only have an excellent name, suggesting both whimsy and violence, but also a fabulous range of bright, summery jewellery, mainly made of laser-cut acrylic. Everything is made by the cheery looking Sally from her flat in Glasgow, aided and abetted by her cat Chi.

I absolutely deserve a cake merit badge, but alas I haven't made an arctic roll so can't claim it. If you've made our lemon and pistachio version, then you're eligible. Choose your favourite indie merit badge for £15.

BLACK SWAN! I saw the film in the cinema and thought it was an intensely powerful masterpiece. Then I watched it at home with friends and decided it was the campest nonsense since Showgirls. Pick up a black - or white - swan brooch with mirrored feathers for £12.

A laser-cut ferris wheel! With eight teeny pods! Hanging on a long silver chain! It's £34. For that price, you could have got 34 goes on the ropiest ride at my local fair. It was an office chair attached to a cherry picker. For a quid you could go up and then down again. It's much better to buy this necklace than go up and down 34 times.

Where was this cat brooch when I was writing a guide to being a crazy cat lady? It comes in silver glitter or plain black for £14. Obviously you're going to get the glitter one. The choice between glitter and not-glitter is no choice at all.

At the time of writing, it is the hottest day in the history of days and I am wilting and desperate for rain. I shall wear these umbrella charm earrings, in the sale for £2.50, in the hopes they make water come from the sky.

I love these heart mug earrings but it's really bothering me that the red pencil hasn't been sharpened properly. Quick, one of you buy all their stock so they can take this image down and we can all sleep easy at night. They're £12 and they'll probably do you a deal if you buy, say, 40 pairs.

Ridiculous and Brilliant Prints For Your Home

When buying prints for my home, my rules are (1) does it make me laugh? and (2) will I still love it in a year? I go for ridiculous prints that make my friends say "uh.. is that... Harrison Ford / a vinyl tiger / a confused dog?" To which I proudly say yes, yes it is. They either laugh or look confused. This is fine.

So come, take my hand, and let us peruse prints that will cheer up your walls and make your friends tilt their heads to one side and ask exactly what you're doing.

When I applied for the post at Domestic Sluttery, I wrote about this print, No-one Wants To Play Sega With Harrison Ford. Things I love about it: the title. The aqua background. Harrison Ford's cross face (click the link for the full effect). The concept. The fact it got me this gig. It's by Brandon Bird and you can get a copy for $7 plus $9 postage, which is about £9 altogether.

Over on Etsy, Paul of Navarone is busy detailing the inner workings of dangerous animals in his 'Do Not Be Scared' range. For example, did you know tiger guts lead to San Francisco and a new start? You do now. His pieces are like tiny parallel universes, all beautifully made from vinyl on glass with vintage prints behind. They come in a box frame and cost £50. Please go and have a look and read his hilarious descriptions, even if they're out of your budget.

Imagine if, instead of making the 1995 album Different Class, Jarvis Cocker had decided literature was a better medium to convey the beautiful seediness of British life. The boutique Lime Lace Interiors has done just that, and reimaged the album as classic orange and white Penguin paperbacks.Yours for £21.95.

It's a bunny diving over another bunny. It's by HAM, who we told you about aaaages ago, who document the adventures of a rabbit, horse and pig through the media of prints, cards, mugs and tea towels. Of course they do. This print is £29 (or £40 for a larger version), but do peruse their cards for more affordable versions.

Oh David Shrigley: you either love him, or you are wrong. I love his odd scribbly depictions of the mundane things in life - like, for instance, a dog receiving a bone or someone realising they have no fucking emails or a cup of tea on sale for an unlikely £100. These cards are all £2.90 from Polite Cards - so buy them, frame them, stick them up on your wall and delight in your new, ridiculous view.

Sluttishly Feline: Crazy Cat Ladies

Hello internet. I am 34, single, and completely besotted with my cat, who I think of as a tiny housemate who poos in a box and likes to stand on my face at 4am. Essentially, I am a crazy cat lady and proud of it. BEHOLD HER MAGNIFICENCE:

Here she is in her box, which she loves so much she has accidentally eaten it. Who among us cannot relate to that? My life goal is to eventually own 17 indolent cats and bankrupt myself buying them gifts they will ignore. For now, I have embraced the accessories that go with a cat-loving life.

I love my cat nail stickers. They're £3 from ASOS and bring me disproportionate joy. Stick them over nail polish or bare nails, and add top coat to hold them firmly in place.

Remember when Laura B told us about about the Tiny Confessions poster series featuring pets divulging their secret lives? That is still my most favourite Sluttery post and the ever expanding range of prints always makes me laugh (and spend all my money). Small prints are £7.18, large ones are £11.97, and all will bring you such joy.

We told you about Literary Emporium last week and behold: they love not only books, but cats too. These delicate cat rings come with an Ernest Hemingway quote (he lived with a host of six-toed cats whom he named after famous people: RESPECT TO YOU, HEMINGWAY) and cost £11.

This poor ASOS model was so thrilled by her cat patch jumper that she accidentally put on a binbag instead of trousers. Don't say anything, she's terribly embarrassed. Still, the jumper was a reasonable £35 (pure cotton, fancy collar) so she's got change for a pair of shorts.

I love Jeffrey Brown's books, which feature the charmingly drawn adventures of cats. Cat Getting Out Of A Bag has the cat not only getting out of a bag, but also - plot twist! - climbing into bags, running about and chirping at birds. Cats Are Weird features two cats getting up to scrapes like attacking dust, pouncing on leaves, and running away from the vacuum cleaner. Their plots won't win awards but they're drawn with such love that you'll find yourself picking them up again and again, if only to reassure yourself that your cat isn't the only one to behave oddly.

One more book, this time a classic from 1985 - Ernie: A Photographer's Memoir. First published by a small press, it went on to sell over 100,000 copies. Not bad for a book of photos about a streetwise New York puss cat. There's nothing soppy or staged about these pictures; they just beautifully show the relationship between a cat and his owner. And look at his face! The cover alone should sell it to you.

Baking for Beginners: The Perfect Loaf

Sluttery HQ kitchen is either turning out beautiful cakes or delicious loaves. We love to bake, and for me there's nothing more satisfying than baking your own bread. Whether it's focaccia, six seed bread, cornbread or bara brith, you name it and we've baked it, torn it apart with our bare hands, smothered it in butter and burned our mouths on it.

If you just want to make a basic loaf - a simple white or wholemeal loaf that you can proudly display in your kitchen and devour for breakfast - but you've always said it's too complicated / takes ages / goes wrong, then read on. With a few hints and ideas, you'll be turning out loaves to be proud of.

If you want a basic recipe, I'd suggest:

• 500g strong white flour
• 2 tsp salt
• 1 sachet (7g) dried yeast
• 2 tbsp olive oil
• 300ml luke-warm water

And make it by hand. It's so wonderful to see such basic ingredients become a wonderful loaf just with the power of your hands. Plus breadmakers are fine for pizza dough but produce bread that is denser than the core of the earth (just me?).

Baker Tom's soda bread

The Basic Ingredients!

• Let's start with the basics: flour. Wholemeal loaves are healthiest but often so dense you can only use them as doorstops. A 50/50 mix of white flour and wholemeal flour will give you a healthy and light loaf.
• Alternatively, swap a handful of white flour for wholemeal flour if you're making a white loaf, as it'll add texture. Swap a handful of wholemeal for white to make a wholemeal loaf lighter.
• Want your loaf even lighter? Add half a crushed 500mg Vitamin C tablet to the flour. Good luck with finding one that isn't flavoured for kids, mind. Thankfully a mild flavour like lemon won't affect the final flavour.
• Want a softer loaf? (You want the moon on a stick, you do.) Then add a pat of softened butter or a tablespoon of olive oil to the dry ingredients.
• Fast action yeast is most convenient. Dried yeast needs water to activate it. Don't add too much in the hopes of creating a GigantoLoaf. It'll just taste of gone off beer.
• Use tepid water. Hot will kill the yeast, cold means it won't work/will take so long to work you'll have given up and bought a sandwich from Pret. Best of all: use (unsalted) water that you've boiled potatoes in to boost the taste and texture. I learned this tip from Little House On The Prairie (hat tip to Ma Ingalls).

The Fancier Ingredients!

The joy of making your own bread is that you can create the perfect flavour. Try adding grated cheese, roasted garlic, sundried tomatoes, dried fruit, herbs or spices to the dry ingredients. Remember when I added an entire breakfast to a loaf? Good times.

Ice-cream bread. We went there.

The Knead!

I swear by Dan Lepard's method for kneading bread, which is coincidentally the very easiest.

Lightly oil your worktop, then knead the dough by holding it down with one hand, stretching it away with the other, and folding it back on itself. Make a quarter turn and repeat eight times. Put the dough back in the bowl and leave for 10 minutes, then knead again. Leave for another 10 minutes and knead one final time before leaving to rise.

Now go and buy Dan's book, it's utter magic.

The Rise!

Deep breath. You need to be patient now. You're going to let your loaf rise twice, and you're not going to be impatient and say "yeah that's probably doubled in size" when you know in your heart that it hasn't, and you're not going to shove it in the airing cupboard. Leaving it somewhere too hot will make it rise too quickly and give the bread a sour taste.

If you can poke a finger in the dough and the dent remains, it's risen. Now knock it down. It's a little heartbreaking to watch it crumple after all its hard work, but now's the time to shape it and let it rise again.

Grape focaccia

The Shape!

A banneton, or proving basket, will give your loaf a strong shape, crispier crust and dramatic pattern on top (dramatic in bread terms, you understand. It won't come out with flicky eyeliner and rhinestones).

Turn your dough into am oiled loaf tin for the second rise. The tin helps it cook more evenly, but don't worry if you don't have one - just pop your dough on a baking tray. Plait it if you're feeling fancy - Paul Hollywood's eight strand plaited loaf looks far more complicated than it is.

The Finish!

The finish to your bread depends on what you do to it before or after baking.

• Soft loaf - wrap it in a teatowel for half an hour after it comes out of the oven.
• Soft golden crust - brush the dough with warm milk.
• Shiny golden crust - brush the loaf before and after baking with olive oil, which will also add flavour.
• Shiny golden crust with a pleasing hardness - brush the dough with an egg beaten with a tablespoon of water.

Are you adding seeds or whatnot to the top? Then oil, egg white or milk will help them stick to the dough.

Slash the bread across the top before baking to make the loaf bloom outwards. It looks good and means there's more surface area, therefore more tasty crust.

I nearly bought a bread slashing device for £12 once. Reader, it was a knife.

Gluten free focaccia

The I Don't Have Time For All This!

The time you'll put in to making the loaf is about 15 minutes. The rest of it is leaving the dough to do its thing. Make the dough one evening and leave it to rise overnight in the fridge. Take it out the next day, shape it, and leave it to rise again for about 3 hours. Then bake.

Any other tips, dear readers? Anything else we should be adding to our loaves?

Storage Solutions Of Every Size

If you've ever been to IKEA, you will know they don't offer products: they offer solutions. Bath solutions. Kitchen solutions. (Here is a game you can play with a friend: ask a member of staff, with a straight face, if they stock any toilet solutions.) And, of course, storage solutions. Masses and masses of them. I bloody love IKEA.

But if you're looking for something a bit different, that - while lacking the opportunity to stop off for meatballs and Dime bar cake - will look beautiful as well as functional, then take a look. I'll take you from cheapest to most expensive (stick around for the last one, it is flipping gorgeous).

Oh Muji, your acrylic boxes do not photograph fabulously, but imagine these acrylic drawers full of your make-up and how pleasing it will be to see everything lined up. No more rummaging around for your sensible work eyeliner in the mornings, giving up, and applying the blue glitter one instead. They're £10.95. And get these stackable boxes for your nail varnish - annoyingly, they're not on the UK website but always available in store for just £3.25.

Lisa Angel's vintage map storage boxes speak of travel and adventure, even if you just use them for cat treats and hair bands. They're £14 for the pair, there's free delivery, AND you get 5% off your first order. Use that 70p for a Crunchie bar, which you can then store in the box of your choice.

 

Ladies: I cannot emphasise enough the importance of learning DIY. It is immensely satisfying, plus you get to save huge amounts of money by not forking out your life savings so someone can fix your sink. There is nothing you cannot learn with a YouTube video and a willing spirit. And you can buy this Happy Jackson toolbox from Hunkydory Home for £15 and fill it with screwdrivers and spirit levels and sandpaper.

If you were going to start a COMPANY selling BASKETS, what would you call it? Too late - the Basket Company have got in before you. It's worth exploring their whole range as it's ludicrously huge, and you can shop by type, room or size. This grey wicker storage basket is £15 and is typical of their traditional style and reasonable pricing.

Now let's imagine you've got loads of vintage crates you want to sell. Your company is, of course, Vintage Crates. These storage companies take a very Ronseal approach to naming. Now let's imagine in a previous life you were a lady fruit picker and you struggled to carry your Braeburns to market. You need a women's apple crate, although at £27.50 that would have probably been your annual wages. It's ok: it's 2014 and you can use it to grow herbs in or, as the site suggests, 'carry things around'.

I didn't know I needed a steamer trunk covered in foxes until I saw this hunk of joy, and now it is all my heart desires. It's £225 from Anorak but I have a cunning plan: I will sell my bed, sleep in this for the next 50 years, and then pack all my belongings in it and go on a round-the-world cruise.

Petite Girl Picks: Maxi Skirts and Dresses

Hello, my small but beautifully formed friends. Petite Girl Picks is BACK and answering your important but tiny fashion questions. Without further ado, let me reach into the overflowing post bag and select a letter (tweet) at random:

@sparklehooves @katbrown82 Is everything too much to ask? haha. Maybe maxi and midi dresses / skirts for petites?
— Deepa Mistry (@deepamstry) June 13, 2014

Right, then Deepa. Common knowledge would have it that petite girls can't wear maxi skirts or dresses. Not true, as long as we remember a few rules:

1. No ankle grazers. Your skirt or dress should be between 1/2" from the floor and toe height.
2. Go for lovely flowy material that will move with you. It should drape well rather than poking out stiffly from your waist.
3. Avoid long sleeves. You want to remind people that you do, in fact, have limbs.
4. Cinch your waist in to give you some shape and avoid looking like you're wearing a tent.
5. Solid colours or small patterns will make you look taller. Big prints will most likely overwhelm your frame.

Right: on to the clothes. The dress at the top is from Little Mistress petite range on Asos, and comes in a glorious cobalt blue with a deep v and a fancy beaded collar, meaning you have one fewer accessory to find. It's £70.

I adore this lightweight maxi dress from Minuet Petite, currently in the sale at £69. They're my go-to for pretty designs, like this graduated palm print.

Oh Dorothy Perkins, how we love your floaty fabrics and your reasonable prices. This floral maxi dress is £40, and there's a dark floral print if you're working this season's gothic floral trend / prefer it in black.

Back to Asos for a simple jersey maxi dress. It's just £25 and comes in black or coral. It's a bodycon fit but has a split at the side so you can still, you know, actually walk in it.

I don't know what this model's doing but she'll break her neck in those heels if she's not careful. This black floor sweeping maxi dress from Jarlo Petite on Asos is £80 - not cheap, but it would be perfect for a summer wedding.

Onto maxi skirts now, starting with this pleated mint skirt from House of Fraser. It's £26 and looks like it would be excellent for twirling in.

Well hellooooo, summer! This red maxi skirt from New Look is just £17.99 and would brighten up even the most overcast of days.

Guys, this is from Boden. I don't know how I feel about Boden, but I do know that I can't say no to a purple jersey maxi skirt. No need to iron, immensely flattering, and you could wear it to the corner shop or for a night out. It's £59.

Anything else to recommend, petite sisters?

Aled Lewis' Toy Stories

You may not recognise designer and illustrator Aled Lewis's name, but you'll surely recognise his Toy Stories series, aka 'toys saying things to other toys!' He photographs toy animals in various dioramas and adds brilliantly daft quotes. Basically, if you loved the Tiny Confessions series which brought us the thoughts of household pets, you're going to *heart* Aled Lewis.

Here's the picture that kicked off the whole project - Nobody Likes A Show-Off. Poor unicorn, just unicorning around, being hated on by ponies. This card, along with Murder Mystery, above, is just £2.50 from England at Home. They're the cheapest way to enjoy his art at home and - top tip - if you live near a Tiger store, these frames are the perfect size.

You can also buy them in packs of three from Aled Lewis's shop for just £5. More unicorns!

You can buy prints from the series too but only from an American shop - boo - so you may get stung for customs charges. The prices at InPrnt are reasonable so it might be worth the risk - they're $20 per print and just $15 for shipping.

Add some talking animals to your sofa with a Haters Gonna Hate unicorn cushion from Bouf. You can also get one with the Show Off or Murder Mystery print. They're £39 which is, yes, lots of money, but they're well made and come in soft faux suede which is excellent to cuddle. Oh, and free shipping if you need further justification.