Shelf Esteem: Eat My Heart Out by Zoe Pilger

Eat My Heart Out by Zoe Pilger
Shelf Worth: 4/5

It's a lot easier to write eloquently about books you don't like, than books you really do. Perhaps if you imagine me pointing at Eat My Heart Out, making wild gestures and nodding with my eyes wide open? Or maybe I could draw a picture? I haven't been this repulsed, outraged and enchanted by a book in years.

Ann-Marie, 23, is an arresting and arrestable girl who is living with her closeted ex-Etonian friend Freddie after flunking her finals at Cambridge. Freddie aspires to be a film artist. Ann-Marie is in the middle of a mental breakdown after Sebastian, her artist boyfriend since school, disappears with her nemesis Allegra. Ann-Marie fixates on an unimpressive man called Vic and convinces herself she's in love with him, before falling into the path of ghastly celebrity feminist Stephanie Haight who decides to rescue Ann-Marie from herself by making her confront her femininity through a series of increasingly ludicrous stunts.

God, it sounds rubbish, doesn't it? It is in fact, brilliant. I haven't been so utterly captivated by a book in ages. I couldn't predict what Ann-Marie would do next, or what gorgeous, wry phrase Zoe Pilger would use, and while all the characters are completely awful, it didn't put me off in the way that  Edward St Aubyn managed to do so thoroughly.

Pilger, an arts critic at the Independent, takes what could be a depressingly earnest treatise of mental breakdowns in hipster, hyper-intelligent graduates, and turns it into a witty, waspish and completely OTT pastiche of the modern world. From terrible Little Mermaid-themed raves in Hackney peanut factories, to even worse poetry and art, Pilger manages to pastiche hipster art life by creating it rather than illustrating it.

Every sentence is in its place, every twist takes you along with it in a great whoosh comparable to Angela Carter's brilliant Wise Children. Pilger has a wonderfully relaxed style that doesn't worry about whether you, the reader, are enjoying yourself and would you like your cushions plumped and is everything to your liking?  There are so many bon-mots and beautifully tart phrases, but each link to the next bit and the one before that if you pull them out, they wither and die. Just read it. You'll zip through it in a couple of bus rides and feel like you've gone on a demented, completely fantastic ride.

Reassuringly for a book that rings many Martin Amis bells (and Fay Weldon ones too), there is no random bleakness or cruelty thrown in to punish Ann-Marie for her decisions or her madness. Rather, she bounces back from everything like an invincible Swiss ball. It helps that everyone in Ann-Marie's world is filled with the confidence that comes from being terribly posh. When Vic finally succumbs to Ann-Marie's spell, he bleats that he wants to be a bohemian. Ann-Marie's contempt is glorious - suddenly, she feels like a normal, self-involved 20-something rather than someone people want to save or flee.

Ann-Marie's ride is a complete riot and this would get a shelf rating of 5 if the last chapters didn't fizzle out.

I've also been reading...
The Invention of Wings by Sue Monk Kidd
I knew nothing about this before I bought it off Audible in January to listen to while running. It's a compelling imagining of the lives of Sara and Angelina Grimké, two real-life sisters in slavery-era America. What makes it particularly compelling is the relationship between the elder sister, Sara, and her slave girl Hetty. The Grimkés would grow up to be abolitionists.

The Shock of the Fall by Nathan Filer
This year's Costa winner failed to impress for its entire first half - I know because every time I finished a chapter I checked to see how much I had left on my Kindle. Things pick up in the second when Filer gets a zippier pace going and stops faffing around trying to be clever and play with the reader's expectations. My expectations were of a good, gripping book, and eventually I got that. Eventually.

What are our favourite make-up buys?

Today we're letting you rifle through our make-up bags and sharing our favourite pots of paint and products with you.

Sian: I'm such a Rimmel girl. Even with all the money in the world, I'd still use Rimmel. It doesn't irritate my skin, the colours are gorgeous and its cheap. I swear by their Extra Super Lash mascara (doesn't smudge at all, leaves me all naturally fluttery like Bambi with a work meeting) and their Vinyl Lip Gloss (if you see me at any point in the day, I'm wearing this in Snog).

My most recent discovery is their Colour Rush lipstick in The Redder The Better. It's my first dabble with red lipstick and it's gorgeous. It's a bit like putting lippy on with a felt pen and that's more fun than it should be. It moisturises, it lasts for ages (and when it fades it doesn't look total crap) and it's the perfect colour. I look instantly glam and healthy. It was probably the best fiver I ever spent.

Frances: My day-to-day make-up is fairly lo-fi. I get mega dark circles so I use Touch Eclat if I'm feeling flush, or Soap & Glory if I'm on the skinter side. I wear glasses most days, so I usually wear a light eyeshadow and some kind of eyeliner but always mascara – I currently love the L’Oreal Miss Manga mascara. For easy to wear lipstick, I like Revlon’s Colorburst Lipbutter and Boots No. 7 Moisture Drench range too. When I’m experimenting with new stuff, I love to go and play with the collections at &Other Stories: fun, fashionable colours that last really well but don’t cost a bomb.

Sara: Let's start with Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer. This stuff is the holy grail if you want your eyeshadow to stay put all day (and night). That shit WILL NOT MOVE until you choose to remove it. I can only conclude that it is made of magic. Buy the original, not the tinted versions as they don't work as well.

I am so obsessed with nail polish. Models Own do vibrant, exciting colours in ranges called things like HYPERGEL! BEETLEJUICE! ICE NEON! and oh, I love them so much. A England are my absolute favourites though - beautiful, dreamy colours that apply incredibly smoothly and will easily last a full week.

Finally, I couldn't get the hang of lipstick until I found Nars Velvet Matte lip pencils. They're like crayons for your face. Dragon Girl is a vivid red that doesn't smudge or leave marks on wine glasses. Actual magic. Well done, Mr Nars.

Alice: My beauty routine consists of trying to look like I'm not wearing make-up. Foundation is key here. I have recently been wearing *Fast Show voice* Laura Mercier tinted mosturiser in porcelain, because I am ghostly pale. It's oil free and lightweight. It makes you look like your not really wearing foundation, you get that dewy glow. I'll sometimes use the incredible Vichy's DermaBlend industrial concealer to cover up whatever acne I have.

The only lipstick I wear is Nars 'red lizard'. Its the most beautiful red, not that Betty Boop kind, it's really sophisticated and you only need a tiny bit. And I'm definitely with Sara on Urban Decay's eyeshadow primer, it really is magic.

Laura B: Alice and I share Laura Mercier's Tinted Moisturiser love! It makes even the most tired skin look wide awake. I'm all about the glow, so when I'm looking particularly rough, I layer it over MAC's Strobe Liquid.

I like a bit of a flush, and Nars blushers combine amazing colour pay-off with a long-lasting formulation. They're pricey, but last ages. Orgasm and Desire are my favourite shades - they look extremely scary but applied with a light touch, they look amazing.

For eyes, I was much more of a liquid eyeliner girl (still searching for my favourite!) than an eyeshadow girl - until I bought an Urban Decay Naked palette. I use it every day, not just on my eyes but on my brows and as a highlighter, too. Mascara-wise, I always come back to Dior's Diorshow Black Out - wiggle it into the roots of your lashes for extra definition.

On lips, Revlon's Colorburst Lip Butters are ace, as are their Just Bitten Kissable Balm Stains. Both are perfect for anyone who wants colour without going down the lipstick route.

OPI make absolutely the best glitter nail varnishes I've used - densely-packed with sparkle, but not too hideous to get off. And for the ultimate topcoat, look no further than Seche Vite. It sets any nail polish diamond hard in seconds - actually, really, truthfully - and makes your manicure last much longer. I wouldn't stray from this stuff. Just read the instructions before you apply, as it's a bit different to normal topcoats.

Gemma: I hate the feeling of liquid foundation, so I use Bare Minerals. I'm also a slave to their Stroke of Light eye brightener under the eyes. I believe there is a reason NARS Orgasm is on every 'top beauty buys' list ever and it's well worth investing in.

I am wildly unfaithful to mascara and a sucker for cheap ones that I use once or twice and then lose to the depths of my handbag, but YSL Volume Effet Faux Cils is the best if you want to invest. I recently discovered Benefit Creaseless Cream Shadow in a shade called 'Skinny Jeans' which is possibly the laziest smoky eye product ever.

My lips are usually pretty bare because I'm more of an eye makeup girl, when I do go for colour I go all out with bright red or pink. I'm another Rimmel fan, especially their semi-matte Kate Moss lipstick in 107.

Kat: If I had my way I would be bankrupt and surrounded by little bottles. And not even ones with wine in.

The best red lipstick is Red Fever by Rimmel. It has a fabulous blue tinge and a staggering amount of class for something that comes in a pink metallic tube. And Carmex, end of. The tiny tub is loads better than the tube, which always ends up with bits of handbag fluff caught in the lid.

Mascara? I've tried them all. Max Factor Masterpiece Max is my favourite for fluttery, layered lashes. Otherwise when it comes to eyes, I'm a Rimmel girl all the way. Liquid eyeliner on top (Glam'Eyes or Exaggerate are both great despite their TERRIBLE NAMES). I'm embarrassed to say I've used the same eyeshadow set for, ooh, 17 years: Glam'Eyes eye trio in Orion. Seriously, it's a classic. Brilliant at making blue eyes pop.

Foundation has always been a complete chore as I'm very pale, so No7's colour matching has been a total joy. I wear Beautifully Matte or Stay Perfect in Calico. They are beautifully comforting on the skin, and last the course, especially when helped along by Seventeen Miracle Matte pressed powder. I'm terrible with blusher, as I never quite get the colour right, but the Clinique one I bought in a panic before a wedding three years ago is still going strong. And when in doubt, just tie your hair up and put on some sunglasses. Job done.

What's in your make-up bag? Share your favourites with us!

Sluttishly Savoury: Sticky Ginger & Lemongrass Prawns

These prawns aren't called sticky because they're on sticks - that is just one of life's happy little culinary coincidences. NO. The sauce is sticky, thanks to honey and sugar and some quite ferocious boiling near the end of this recipe.

As the name suggests, the key flavours here are ginger and lemongrass, but there's also a citrus kick, and a hefty dose of chilli. They're sweet, sour and spicy all at once, and eating them makes you feel invincible. And if you think I'm being hyperbolic, well, try 'em and see. I'm pretty sure I won't be getting a cold at any point in the next six months, and it's all thanks to these prawns.

Thank you, prawns.

Sticky Ginger & Lemongrass Prawns (makes 4 skewers)
You will need:

• 2-3 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 tsp lemongrass paste
• 2 tsp fresh ginger, finely chopped
• 2 tbsp runny honey
• 2 tbsp sesame oil
• 1 tbsp rice vinegar
• 1 tsp dried chilli flakes, or equivalent of fresh, chopped red chilli (use less if you're not a hot food person)
• 2 tsp brown sugar (any kind)
• 1 tsp fish sauce
• Juice and pulp of ½ a lemon
• Salt and pepper
• 140g fresh, uncooked king or tiger prawns (shells off or on tails only)
• ½ a red pepper, deseeded and roughly chopped
• A little olive oil for frying
• Handful of fresh coriander 
• Some sesame seeds to garnish

Make it!

1. Mix the first eleven ingredients (CHECKLIST: garlic, lemongrass, ginger, honey, sesame oil, rice vinegar, chilli, brown sugar, fish sauce, lemon juice and pulp, salt and pepper) in a medium-sized bowl and add the prawns. Pop in the fridge for about 20 minutes to allow the flavours to develop.
2. Get four skewers, and spear the prawns and the red pepper pieces alternately until you've used everything up. Leave the sauce in the bowl, we'll be dealing with that in a moment. 
3. On a very hot griddle pan coated with a little oil, fry your prawn skewers until cooked through. Normally, I'd give uncooked prawns like this two minutes max, but as the pepper on the skewers lifts them slightly away from the surface of the pan, you may need longer - I went for about two or three minutes each side. 
4. Meanwhile, pour the sauce into a saucepan and bring to a rolling boil. Keep stirring while it reduces down to a sticky, fragrant gloop. Spoon the sauce over the prawn skewers, and garnish with coriander and sesame seeds. 

Tip!

• You don't have to skewer everything if you don't want to, or if you don't hoard skewers like I do. Just fry the prawns and pepper until cooked, while boiling down the sauce on another ring. Throw it over the prawns at the last minute, give everything a final stir, and serve. 

Sluttishly Sweet: Honey & Sesame Cakes

These cakes are rather like English madeleines (remember those?), little light sponge towers rolled in chocolate icing and coconut that always seemed to be hanging around in the bakery window. These are a slightly more sophisticated version, with toasted sesame seeds, orange blossom and sticky honey making them perfect for elevenses, or twelveses, or maybe lunch...

If you don't have any dariole moulds you can use ramekins; depending on the size you might have to increase the baking time by 5 minutes or so.

Honey & Sesame Cakes (Makes 6)

You will need:

For the cakes:

• 125g butter, softened
• 125g caster sugar
• 2 free-range eggs
• 125g self raising flour
• 1 tbsp honey
• 1 tsp orange blossom water (optional)

For the topping:

• 5 tbsp honey
• 40g sesame seeds
• Drizzle of honey, to decorate

Make it!

1. Preheat the over to 160 C / 325 F / Gas Mark 3. Grease 6 large dariole moulds. (If you don't have dariole moulds, you could use the deepest muffin tray you have or deep ramekins; you may need to adjust the cooking time accordingly). 
2. Cream together the butter and sugar until pale and fluffy. 
3. Beat the eggs in a separate bowl, then add in a quarter at a time, with a tablespoon of flour to stop the mixture from splitting. Repeat with the rest of the eggs. 
4. Gently fold in the remaining flour until just combined.
5. Carefully stir in the spoonful of honey and orange blossom water, if using. 
6. Spoon into the moulds, filling them 1/2 full (don't overfill because they'll explode) and bake for 20-25 minutes.
7. Place on a wire rack to cool for around 10 minutes. Then, turn out the cakes and level the tops with a sharp knife, so that they stand firmly. Leave to finish cooling.

The topping:

1. In a small, dry saucepan, toast the sesame seeds for a few minutes until fragrant and golden-brown. Tip onto a large flat plate.
2. Warm the honey in a small saucepan with a splash of hot water. 
3. Stick a fork in the bottom of the cakes and roll in the honey until coated, then roll in the sesame seeds. 
4. Decorate with another drizzle of honey and TRY not to eat the whole plate before dinner.

Sluttishly Savoury: 15 Minute Cod and Chips

There are a few fixes I need in my life on a regular basis. One of them is fish and chips.

I have however one big ol' fish and chip-shaped problem. That is that there are no good chippies near me. I can get top notch tapas, oh yes. Incredible kebab. Resplendent Sunday roasts, and cake 'til kingdom come. But decent fish and chips? Alas, no. I have an inkling that is because I don't live in the North of England.

My salvation comes in the form of this recipe. Cod and Chips in under 15 minutes, it might not be the real McCoy, but it's a hell of a lot less calories, and it has all the flavours of a fish supper. I have mine with a bit of something green – broccoli, usually *polishes halo*.

15 Minute Cod and Chips (serves 2 as a main)

For the cod and chips you'll need:

• 2 pieces of cod loin
• 2 baking potatoes, cut into cubes
• veg/sunflower oil

For the lemon and dill mayonnaise:

• 1 lemon, zest and juice
• fresh dill, chopped
• 1 tbsp capers, chopped
• 2 tbsp mayonnaise

Make it!

1. Heat 2 tbsp of sunflower or veg oil in a large frying pan. When hot, add your cubed potatoes and STAND BACK, they tend to spit a little. Fry them for 15 minutes (turning occasionally) until lovely and golden. 
2. Mix the mayonnaise, capers and dill with the zest and juice of half your lemon. Mix well.
3. Coat your cod loins in sunflower oil and heat a non-stick pan.
4. When the pan is hot, add your cod and cook on each side for about 3 minutes.
5. Squeeze the remaining lemon juice over the fish whilst it's in the pan.
6. Turn the chips on to kitchen paper, season with salt.
7. Serve and enjoy. Cup of tea optional but highly recommended.

The UK's Best Independent Clothing Brands

The team at Domestic Sluttery get very excited about independent fashion brands, especially the ones on our own shores. We've uncovered loads of them over the years so here's a brilliant list of them, in dress form. If it's one thing these indie clothing brands excel at, it's an excellent dress. Basically, we've compiled your perfect shopping list.

Louche are always going to be top of our indie list. Half of team Sluttery live in Joy and their own brand is full of cute and flirty pieces that we love. Dresses start around £50 and very rarely go over the £75 mark.

While not all of the Little Mistress collection appeals to me (probably because I'm over 30), the Paper Dolls range is really lovely - all lace touches and fitted dresses. Prices start at £50.

Alice's Pig was actually a very recent discovery for us, and now we're firm fans. They're based in Brixton and prices start around £40 for a blouse and £60 for a dress.

Lady V London is my go to brand for cute and affordable 50s dresses. Amazingly, prices start at £35 and sizes go up to a 28. They're excellent.

I know some of you will be die hard Vivien of Holloway fans and we love this range as well. The red polka dot dress is a classic. Take a look at Limb Clothing if you're a fan of this look and want even more 50s styles.

Darling can be a bit hit and miss. But when they're good, they're very very good (this is an example of them being very very good, but let's put that gorgeous model in some prettier shoes). Dresses are around fifty quid.

Our love of Miss Patina is no secret. The range hits the mark between smart and girly, which means we can - excuse me, Glamour Magazine moment - head straight from office to bar with ease. (That is really useful otherwise you're left carrying around half your wardrobe and changing in the office loos.) Anyway, everything is beautiful and dresses in the sale like those in the picture are around £43, down from the £60 or so mark.

Lindybop are really coming into their own this year - they've frequently been overshadowed by similar brands but recently their range has expanded and their details improved (the bodice on this dress is divine). The prices have stayed low, though - a dress will set you back just £34.99. They've promised this garden dress will be back in stock soon, we're watching it like a hawk.

You might well be aware of Tara Starlet already - their simple vintage-inspired silhouette is easy to spot. But their new range is a different direction for them and feels very modern. This dress is £110 and I want it so much.

This Animi Janine dress is actually covered in a mermaid print (yes, I was distracted by her crazy earring as well). Quirky prints that no one else is wearing is a big plus for this brand. They're pricey - around £100 - but their sales are good. And they go up to an 'extra large'. I do wish shops would just state the size, it would be much easier for everyone.

The Paisie clothing range is small but perfectly formed. They do pieces that are unexpected and a great range in jewellery. Their new season is all mint and pastels and it looks excellent and much more wearable than their statement winter pieces (I loved those too). Dress are around £60.

Oh, Fever. How do we love thee. All of Fever's dresses are based on vintage designs (and you can buy the vintage originals in the London shop). They're a little pricier, with dresses around £60-80, but they're excellent quality and they're timeless pieces that last seasons.

I'm a huge fan of Dahlia's styling. They're so good at cute and quirky outfits. The kind that needs boots, lots of eyeliner and messy hair (basically how I think it's acceptable to dress every day). Prices are around £60 for a dress and the small/medium/large sizing will continue to bug me.

Nadinoo are a little bit of an exception in this list - their separates are actually a lot prettier than their dresses. Prices for their dressed are around £120-175, but they're all made to order or handmade where possible and that's something we heartily approve of. Oooh look, the model has spotted something in the corner.

Collectif stick to vintage styles and they do it well. Although they're not quite as stand out as some of the other brands on the list, they're affordable and go up to sizes 26. You'll get a new outfit for under fifty quid including postage. For similar, take a look at Dolly Dagger.

Then there's the gorgeous Coco Fennell. If only for the piece of gorgeousness that is their tulip dress. They do some really great collaborations and we're really excited to find out what they've got planned for 2014. One of the pricier brands on the list - short dresses are around £75, the one pictured is £95, but goodness they're made well and they'll last you years.

Bicycles! Emily & Fin tick a lot of my boxes when it comes to their range. You can't buy from them directly, but you can buy from one of our favourite online shops - Kiki's Boutique.

If you want yet more indie brands, there are some gorgeous shops to spend your money in - lots of them bringing our favourite US brands over without us having to deal with customs charges and extortionate postage. This gorgeous dress is from Bettylicious. They have heaps more gorgeous things.

Miss Bamboo always have some gorgeous pieces from the US in stock (although you have to be quick to get your mits on their honey dress). Prices depend on which brand you're buying, but understandably you won't get much change from £80.

I'm such a fan of Sugarhill Boutique. It's the prints. Gramaphones, hot air balloons, little vintage bicycles. They're adorable. They go up to a size 16 and their sales are excellent. Dresses are usually around £55 when they're full price.

If you didn't know better, at a glance you'd think this dress was straight from a film set in the 1930s. That's what 20th Century Foxy specialise in - reproductions from the 1930s and 40s. This gorgeous number is a couple of hundred but prices for day dresses start at £50. Check out Revival Retro for similar - their range is much smaller but their are some gorgeous pieces that you'll want hanging in your wardrobe immediately.

Who are your favourite indie brands and shops? Tell us in the comments so we can make a fabulous list of yearning just in time for payday.

Clothes That Make The Cut (or cuts that make the clothes)

Snip, snip. What's that sound? Oh, don't worry, it's just the high street taking their scissors to your spring wardrobe. Cut-outs, cut-aways: it seems that no garment is complete at the moment without having something missing. This trend is more flattering than it might appear at first sight - there are so many different options, you get to flash whichever four inches of flesh are your favourite. And you do, for this purpose, have to pick just one area. Otherwise you'll end up with a horror like this. Let's stay classy ladies. I'll start at the top of the body, and work down.

Cute cute-outs have been used to add a contemporary touch to the otherwise oh-so-sixties shape of this pink jacquard dress from Miss Selfridge. The perfect way to flaunt your clavicles, it's £49.

For a different look, this strap tank top from &Other Stories uses a few snips here and there to create a striking sporty look. It's only £29 too (probably cheaper than doing actual sport).

There are more interesting necklines to ponder on this Viva Vena dress or this River Island playsuit. River Island also get an honourable mention for their cold shoulder jumper: sadly the name is much more amusing than the top itself.

Sister Jane, who I wrote about last week, love a good cut-out. I showed you the skirts then, so let's look at the arms this time instead. The upper arm can just be spied through their geo net blouse, perfect if you're a bit phobic of going sleeveless. This is £45.

Blink and you'll miss the cut-outs on this cotton dress from &Other Stories. Situated above the stomach, it's a sneaky way to try out the trend without too much angst. Topshop are doing this style a lot at the moment too - I've tried on their palm tree dress and am pleased to report it's really flattering on an hourglass-who-likes-chips-a-lot kind of figure. Huzzah! And pass the vinegar.

Which leads us to the midriff - frankly terrifying when you start thinking about crop tops and the like. Much, much kinder is something like the ASOS 50s midi dress shown at the very top of this post (looking at the cut, holding in your breasts are likely to be more of an issue than your stomach). Or there's Zara's sweater with sheer stripes for £45.99. You can add layers below as much or little as you want.

Also from Zara is this stunning sleeveless top with cut-out back, another candidate for layering unless you can get away with going without a bra. It's £35.99.

I love these double layered skirts: an easy but less obvious way to get your legs out. Warehouse lace stripe skirt, £50, is so very pretty (matching crop top entirely optional), and would be great for dressing-up or down according to your whim. French Connection pencil skirt number is also worth a look if you fancy trying the look on a different skirt shape.

And finally, to the feet. These Miss Selfridge brogues are pretty jazzy, and only £17 in the sale. However, my feet will be getting an airing in the above Hotel Image shoes this spring. A Clarks special, at £64.99 they definitely make the cut.