Sluttishly Easy: Banoffee Pie

If I could only have one dessert for the rest of my life, banoffee pie would win hands down. But for many years, I never realised that creating something so orgasmically delicious could be so easy too. What a fool I was. Don’t be intimidated by the unnecessarily complex recipes that abound on the internet and in cook books. To indulge in heavenly toffee and banana perfection, all you need is:

400g tin condensed milk (We’ve discussed this before. Be careful to get condensed milk, not evaporated. They’re often in similar packaging, and it can be easy to be flummoxed. )
Half a pack of digestive biscuits
3 tbps butter
3 large bananas
Extras for decorating, such as double cream or chocolate sauce
Patience (I promise it’ll be worth the wait)

To start with, obliterate your biscuits into smithereens. The best way is to put them into a freezer bag and then twat them into bits with a rolling pin or pan base. For best results, embrace your inner Hulk.

When the biscuits have been annihilated, melt the butter in a pan over a low heat and mix in the biscuit crumbs. Decant the mixture into a cake or pie tin, compress into a cheesecake-style base and chill in the fridge for half an hour. If you’re feeling ambitious, you even could try a honeycomb base.

Whilst the base is chillin,’ you can get cracking on the next phase. This takes a while, but you can do other things in the meantime, so keep suitable activities close at hand. Plop your tin of condensed milk, still sealed, into a deep pan and cover with water. Bring to the boil and leave simmering for two hours, adding more water as required. Once this time has elapsed, very carefully open the tin. As if by magic, the condensed milk will have turned to toffee, which you can pour over your biscuit base and then add the chopped bananas, cream and chocolate sauce. Chill the finished product for another half hour (if you can wait that long), and then tuck in. Serves 4-8, depending how greedy you are.