Sluttery Sales Spy: French Connection, Anthropologie & Urban Outfitters

After waking up to the news that the British water vole population is in decline, I think we're all in need of a little purchasing pick-me-up, don't you? 

THE DRESSES

Sugarhill Boutique Owly jumper dress, £30 (was £50), ASOS

It's been, oh, about six minutes since we featured an owl-based product, so here's a lovely jumper dress to rectify that. It's cosy and snuggly and all those things that we need to stock up on in preparation for dark nights and chilly mornings. WHEE!

Sunspark cowl-neck dress, £50 (was £250), French Connection

Let's take a moment to consider that this dress used to be £250.

Done? Good. Now let's think about how beautiful it is, and how it's now only £50 in the French Connection sale. 

Done? Top marks. Now we can wonder whether the misspelling of cowl ("cowel") is a subtle tribute to Simon Cowell. Perhaps the sequins and beads each represent a different member of his harem?

This colourway has sold out, but I wanted to show you what the dress looks like on a real-life person. Pretty as it is, it's probably a blessing that this shade is no longer available. It's called Intimate Pink. Wrong on every single level.  

THE SUNGLASSES

Bug and flower detail sunglasses, £11 (was £20), ASOS

Ever since Sian declared these "the perfect sunglasses" back in April, I've been waiting patiently for ASOS's embellished sunnies to turn up in the sale. They kept me waiting five eye-squintingly long months, but finally - FINALLY - they have arrived. No matter that my retinas have been chargrilled by the sun due to lack of wasp-adorned sunglasses, ASOS. You take your time. Don't rush into things. No hasty decisions, now.

Coca-Cola sunglasses, £8 (was £16), Urban Outfitters

Normally, I wouldn't condone advertising a multinational tooth-rotting corporation on my eyes. But fuck it. These Coca-Cola sunglasses from Urban Outfitters are cute, and cute trumps morals.

THE BLAZERS

Kingpin tropical print jacket, £32 (was £65), Mina

I'm thinking I need a slouchy blazer for autumn. I'm thinking it might be this one from Mina. We're clearly working to completely different definitions of 'tropical', but nevermind.

Ayora brocade jacket, £49.95 (was £138), Anthropologie

I'm renaming this floral jacket from Anthropologie the "Bake Off Blazer", because as soon as Mary Berry reads this she'll most definitely be buying it to add to her snazzy collection. Hi, Mary! Love you.

THE JEWELLERY

And Mary Loveseat necklace, £8 (was £15), ASOS

Altogether now: aaaaaah. Elderlies in love. This And Mary loveseat necklace is the cutest thing I've seen since the last cutest thing I saw (the Coca-Cola sunglasses; my eye-to-cute turnover is quite rapid). The real news, though, is those boobulars. I just can't parse the old lady's breasts. Gravity defying.

N2 by Les Nereides moules frites earrings, £20 (was £25), Little Moose

Do I want moules frites hanging from my earlobes? HELL YES. Golden frites, too. And that's one mutant mussel right there. As big as a poke of chips! Maybe it will keep growing, like Audrey II in The Little Shop Of Horrors, and one day you'll be wearing it and it'll open up and gobble your ear clean off. Then your head. Then the rest of you. All your friends, your whole town, the universe.

Or, y'know, maybe it's just an earring.

Maybe.

THE BAGS

Matt & Nat Japanese Paper handbag, £55 (was £90), ASOS

I don't know what a Japanese paper handbag even is, but I want one. So shiny and creased, a bit like me every morning. 

Shhh! clutch, £14 (was £28), ASOS

So this is handy. Just hold up this Shhh! clutch every time you want the person talking at you to shut up. Rude but effective. WARNING: may result in a very tired arm. 

There. I feel better about the water voles now. Let's end by having a look at their cousins, the shrews, making a caravan:

DISCLAIMER: There was absolutely no reason to reference water voles and shrews in this post. You haven't missed a subtle joke. I just really like water voles and shrews.