Sluttery Sales Spy: Rockett St George, Clarks & Plümo

Make your bank manager proud this week: save yourself £386.99 by buying everything below. You thrifty little minx, you. 

THE DRESSES

Cooperative square neck dress, £15 (was £55), Urban Outfitters

I do so love a square neckline. I'm not terribly sure they look good on me, but love is blind to such trifling matters. This Cooperative dress is down to FIFTEEN POUNDS at Urban Outfitters. That's so absurd, we need to buy it right away. *logic face*

Pintuck dress, £15 (was £38), ASOS

Perhaps from a distance, through a computer screen, this green dress from ASOS doesn't look like anything special. But luckily I'm here to be your eyes and your mirror, in some sort of Sartrean fashion hell heaven, so let me tell you about all the glorious pintucks you can't see in this photo. They are, um, glorious. And pintucky. Really quite pin-like, and most definitely tucked. And they - and the rest of the dress - also come in blue!

THE BAGS

Leather shoulder bag, £24 (was £79), & Other Stories

Dudettes: & Other Stories has an AMAZING sale going on - and it just keeps getting better and better. I actually decided to feature this bag a few days ago, and when I double-checked that it was still in stock last night (hey, I'm a thorough spy) the price had dropped by ANOTHER twenty quid. By the time you read this, it might actually be free. Or they might pay you to take it. And isn't it divine? I am in love. It's real leather, it's bright pink, it looks like a little suitcase. Can one marry a handbag? I think Mrs Laura Leather-Shoulder-Bag has a rather aristocratic ring to it. BRB, practising my new signature.

Leather shoulder bag, £38 (was £125), & Other Stories

Also of note at & Other Stories: this beautiful, wine-coloured bag. I like it a lot, because it looks like I would be FORCED to zip it shut before I sling it over my shoulder. This is a sensitive topic for me right now. Let me take a deep breath, and I'll tell you all about it. 

Please picture the scene yesterday morning: it was 8.45am. I was waiting to cross my busy road to get to my car, to get to work. Approximately 346 schoolchildren were walking by. A friendly White Van Man stopped and flashed his lights, waving me across the road. I was immensely thankful. I ran, I waved, I shrieked in horror as my lovely yellow satchel tumbled to the ground, right in the middle of the road, the strap broken. Reader, I had not buckled up my satchel. As well as being a moron, I am also what you might describe as a hideously messy person, particularly in the privacy of my own bag. This was a horrific situation. A line of traffic had to wait for me to gather up the following items (only two are untrue, you can take a guess at which):

• A yellow Lego pencil case, 4 biros, a pencil, and a collapsible metre stick
• 5 black liquid eyeliners, 3 lip balms, and a bright pink lipstick
• 3 toothpicks, a skewer, and a tube of superglue (there is a reason for this, I promise)
• A packet of Hello Kitty tissues
• My passport and all the ticket stubs housed within
• A bus pass
• Hilary Devey
• An Oyster card (I don't live in London, so who knows)
• A necklace and four badges
• The entirety of the Press Complaints Commission's Editors' Code of Conduct, in concertina booklet form
• My phone
• 1 Werther's Original
• My diary
• 2 iPhone chargers
• 1 false eyelash strip
• A map of Barcelona and a lovely postcard from our own Frances (thank you, Frances!)
• 3 memory sticks
• An iPad
• Derren Brown
• An origami swan (not life size)
• Some eyelash curlers
• 2 letters from HMRC
• A miniature bottle of Tabasco 
• A wooden chip shop fork

Then I said fuck in front of some children and ran to my car. 

The moral I'm choosing to take from this tale: I need a bag that I have to do up. This may be it. 

THE SHOES

Mary Janes, £115 (was £195), Plümo

Sian can take ALL the credit for spotting these fabulous Kat Maconie Mary Janes in the Plümo sale. She's been coveting them for many months, and they were one (two) of the stars of her party shoe round-up at the end of last year. She said then that she'd be ready to pounce as soon as they hit the sale, and she was true to her word. All kneel before the altar of Ms Meades, then quickly get up again and race her for the beautiful shoes. Quick, run. She's speedy, that one. 

(I feel I must also point out another of her amazing finds: these bunny loafers. That's right, kids - loafers with bunny ears. Sometimes I just think the world is a wonderful place to be.)

Moody Cute boots, £44.99 (was £89.99), Clarks

From delicate rose gold to clompy, moody boots. Well, Moody Cute. Does that make moody any better? I'm not sure, because Moody Cute makes me think, for some reason, of Miley Cyrus (same initials!) circa. Hannah Montana, which then makes me think of tongues, which I suppose works because lace-up boots also have tongues. These tongues aren't hanging out, but they could be. Don't turn your back on these boots, lest they start twerking. OR WORSE. Need I say wrecking ball? Hoo boy. Boots these days, eh?

THE HOMEWARES

Dinosaurs cushion, £29.71 (was £34.95), Ohh Deer

Rawr! You'll need to rush if you want to take advantage of the Ohh Deer sale, because today's the last day (for those of you reading this on Saturday, yesterday was the last day. Sorry). This dinosaur cushion is a cheery thing. Which is your favourite? I like the yellow and blue one that looks like a kangaroo.

Surprise Surprise lamp, £99 (was £149), Rockett St George

I wrote about this Surprise Surprise lamp from Rockett St George a wee while ago, and I still adore it. I got all my Cilla Black references out of the way back then, so don't worry. I originally reckoned £149 was a bit pricey, but worth it. £99, therefore, is a veritable bargain. I really want it. Every day will be a gift when I've got a massive great big parcel bow on my wall.

CAT SOCKS OF THE WEEK

Lee Lee cat socks, £1.75 (was £3.50), Accessorize

ANGRY KITTEN SOCKS. I'm buying them. I'll forget I have them on, and then terrify myself as a pissed-off cat appears from under my boots. He's called Lee Lee, but that sweet name doesn't mean he won't try to kill you. 

What have you been buying this week? And what's the strangest thing in your handbag right now?