Sluttishly Savoury: Utterly Stuffed Breast

Calm down, lovely readers - I'm not about to recount some X-rated story of boob jobs gone wrong. Nope. This is all about a boob job gone right. Blooming right. Right in a scoff-this-in-front-of-the-telly kind of way.

To be honest, I was being ultra-lazy and had thought no more further than going to the supermarket to purchase something pre-foiled that I could slip into my oven, remove and consume. However, the range of "ready" as in quick but not as in "microwave" meals at my nearest supermarket (that shall go unnamed Co-Op) was rather disappointing, not to mention expensive.

So, I picked up a couple of bits and pieces, realised I could still be perfectly lazy and proceeded to make something that took practically zero effort, tasted great and put a smile on my lovely hard-working boyfriend's face after a long day out taking pretty pictures (he's a photographer).

You'll need:

• Two large chicken breasts
• One small "tube" of processed smoked cheese
• Small bag of pre-trimmed green beans
• Four rashers of smoked bacon
• Salt and pepper
• Pinch of paprika

Make it!

• Preheat your oven to 180 degrees C. You can gulp down half a glass of wine without anyone else noticing whilst you do this, if you like.
• Run your chicken under the tap to give it a nice little rinse.
• Slice the breasts open like a book and gently batter them with a rolling pin. Don't over-do it, you just want to tenderise and help the flexibility of the meat. Do not *repeat do NOT* envisage your rat-faced cheating ex whilst you do this.
• Open up the tube of cheese (a phrase I never thought I'd say!) and divide into two, then slice thinly.
• Divide the cheese between the two breasts and add a few beans on top.
• Sprinkle with paprika, salt and pepper.
• Fold the breast back into shape and place on a strip of bacon. Wrap the bacon fron the bottom up and add a strip on top to secure.
• Bake in the oven for 20 minutes on foil to avoid the cheese making a right mess all over your baking tray.