Sluttery Sales Spy: Johnny Loves Rosie, Shellys & Oasis

Prepare yourselves for a shark attack, Spyettes. Dun-dun. Dun-dun. Dun-dun... ARGH! 

THE DRESSES

Vero Moda cherry print dress, £25 (was £38), ASOS

Now that there is an awfully pretty sleeve. And those there are some delectable cherries. And we all know the math(s), don't we? Awfully pretty sleeve + delectable cherries = £25.

The Rodnik Band sailor dress, £45 (was £180), ASOS

YAS! This The Rodnik Band dress has tattoos on the sleeves, a fake belt, and felt-tip pen waves. You're going to be the most stylish sailor on the sea in this. Maybe a little on the cold side, and possibly not best equipped for leaning over to, you know, gut fish and tie knots and stuff, but hey! No-one said being a sailor was easy. Ahoy! (Also: whopperooney discount alert! You'll have loads of money left over for ice cream! Which you'll be able to buy from the ice cream boat, obviously. You'll hear it tinkling its merry tune all over the ocean.)

THE JEWELLERY

And Mary Daddy Bear ring, £22.70 (was £25.20), Fab

Well, hello Daddy Bear. You look like a friendly fellow. Just keep an eye on him while you're eating your morning porridge. You know what these bears can be like.

The Rogue + The Wolf cat ears ring, £29.20 (was £32.20), Fab

Being a Certified Crazy Cat Lady, I already own Tatty Devine's cat ring and cat bangle, but I'm going to have to add this gloriously golden cat ears ring by The Rogue + The Wolf to my feline jewellery repertoire. It reminds me of a certain cat I know named Nancy, who has outrageously big ears and a teeny-weeny face. She's a total babe. Get your very own Nancy Ears Ring from Fab to enjoy a whopping £3 discount, or check out The Rogue + The Wolf's full range in their Etsy store.

THE SHOES

Vila sandals, £35 (was £80) ASOS

Oh look! Vila have had the foresight to gouge a hefty chunk out of these wooden heels before I get the chance to accidentally do it myself on the second wearing, probably by getting my foot stuck behind a bus seat or in a filing cabinet drawer. How thoughtful of them. 

Confetti shoes, £15 (was £44.99), Shellys

Here we have an episode of Playschool, shoeified*. Remember how we all had to tediously tell a TV screen which shape would fit through which hole? Yeah. This is the grown up version. Although I think you're going to have a lot of bits of gravel clamouring to get into these Confetti shoes by Shellys. Just tell them that they're the wrong shape and they can't come in.

* Free Floella Benjamin with every purchase.

THE BAGS

Johnny Loves Rosie envelope bag, £52 (was £95), ASOS

Another week, another yellow bag. Like a portable ray of sunshine, innit? Remember to wear sunblock.

Betsy holdall, £30 (was £45), Oasis

Going anywhere nice soon? May I suggest that you pack your things in this Betsy holdall from Oasis? In a stroke of sales luck, the best colourway (this one, do keep up!) is the only one that's been reduced! Let's all do a triumphant little holdall dance. You know the holdall dance, right? You do a star jump, spin around, wave your hands in the air like you just don't care, spin around again, fall over, do a headstand, sit down and have a cup of tea, jazz hand like your life depends on it, and then strike a pose. Instructional video to follow next week.

SHARK ITEM OF THE WEEK

The Rodnik Band shark top, £35 (was £120), ASOS

If wearing a fake-tattooed sailor dress wasn't oceanic enough for you, The Rodnik Band has come up with a solution: walk around looking like your head is being eaten by a shark. I LOVE THIS. SO. MUCH.

Who's been snapping up bargains this week? Sit down and tell me all about them.