Sluttery Sales Spy: Urban Outfitters, Darling & Sugarhill Boutique

This week featuring scallops, Mrs Wedgwood, and a rare but welcome appearance from Melinda Messenger. 

THE DRESSES

Lace dress, £30 (was £40), ASOS

Do I want to look like a Wedgwood plate? Damn right I do. I want to look like the Wedgwoodiest of Wedgwood plates. I want to look like the plate Josiah designed when he'd had a few too many glasses of wine one night by the fire, and Mrs Wedgwood said, in overly-husky tones, "Design me a plate, Jo. Make it the best plate you've ever created. Don't scrimp on the blue, Joey. Jasper it up. And go for flowers. I want flowers. Flowers are wonderful, don't you think? None of your cameos or your Greek mythology, my love. So fucking boring". And so he whipped out his sketchpad and designed this, not knowing of course that centuries later ASOS would make it into a dress. I mean, how could he know? I don't think ASOS was even that popular back then.

Picture Perfect dress, £38 (was £54), Sugarhill Boutique

Say cheese! This Picture Perfect dress from Sugarhill Boutique is, well, picture perfect. It's covered in tiny vintage cameras! It's mint green! I LOVE IT! It's also available in blue at the same price. You'd better snap it up right now. Snap it up. Snap. You knew it was coming, didn't you?

THE JEWELLERY

Asya owl bracelet, £14 (was £29), Oliver Bonas

It's the most majestic, smug owl in the history of majestic, smug owls - and now he can be majestic and smug on your wrist. Yours will truly be the most majestically smug wrist there ever has been. The rest of you will be quite smug, too, because you'll have saved yourself a whole £15. I can't vouch for your majesty, though. Or Her Majesty.

And Mary I Love You keys necklace, £10 (was £18), ASOS

Wear these teeny-weeny keys around your neck, and pretend you're taking part in an episode of Fort Boyard: Wonderland Special. You never know, if you open the correct tiny door, you might unlock Melinda Messenger, Tom Baker, or some French bloke. Or a tiger.

THE SKIRTS

Louche Giselle skirt, £30 (was £45), Joy

I can't promise that this Giselle skirt will one day lead to you taking the principal role in a ballet about a spirit rising from the grave, but I can guarantee that you'll have the requisite number of skirt swooshes and twirly feelings should that opportunity ever present itself. Better buy it to be on the safe side, yeah? You never know when the Bolshoi might come a-knocking, and you wouldn't want a lack of swooshes and twirls to jeopardise your chances when they do.

Julia skirt, £25 (was £49), Darling

My love of a scalloped edge is well-documented around these parts, as is my love of scallops. This Julia skirt from Darling is delightful, having as it does a scalloped hem AND scalloped pockets. No scallops were harmed in the making of this skirt, though, so rest easy.

THE HOMEWARES

Factory side table, £42 (was £60), Urban Outfitters

Urban Outfitters always has a fine selection of coloured metal furniture, and right now they've got a 30% off all furniture and bedding promo going on, making this simple-but-effective mint green side table just £42. Enter the Laura-approved discount code WOOP at the checkout, and watch your bank account breathe a sigh of relief, wiggle its toes in contentment, and have a mid-afternoon nap.

Boris the Dog cushion, £14 (was £20), Urban Outfitters

Reader, meet Boris. Boris is just a young lad, looking for his forever home. He likes curling up on the sofa and spending time with his people. He's not that keen on long walks and he hates getting wet. He wouldn't mind sharing a house with a cat, and he's good with children as long as they don't try to draw on him. Boris would suit someone who's at home all day, lying about stuffing their face with sweets while watching whatever daytime movie they can find on the telly without too much effort. Remember to enter the code WOOP to get your discount. Not WOOF.