Sluttery Sales Spy: Irregular Choice, Warehouse & Tatty Devine

Last night, I dreamed that I couldn't write this column unless I was dressed as a lady Columbo, while carrying a magnifying glass AND a retractable brass telescope. In this dream, I also had a faithful sidekick beagle named Horatio who sniffed out bargains THROUGH THE INTERNET. 

I woke up wearing a pair of pyjamas with a baked bean stain down the front, and one and a half socks. I live near an observatory with a really big telescope. I can hear the distant bark of a dog outside. Baby steps, people. You can't rush world shopping domination.

THE BAGS

Winter colour block satchel, £20 (was £34), Warehouse

The pale pink of this Warehouse satchel has put me in mind of a delicious ice cream, which in turn has led me to wonder why I have never had a navy blue ice cream? Why not? Why is that? Has anyone ever had a navy blue ice cream?

I Love Geeks cosmetic bag, £7.99 (was £14.99), Kate Garey

YES. Yes, I do. But not this boy on the front of Kate Garey's I Love Geeks cosmetic bag, because he seems to have The Dreaded Arm Measles. At least his girlfriend can carry around some concealer for him now.

THE DRESSES

Rococo shirt dress, £25 (was £65), Oasis

I still love this Oasis Rococo print. It's very wintery. Although sometimes I think I just love anything this model wears. She's like a cross between Rachel Bilson (REMEMBER HER?!) and a mildly pissed off Lady Mary.

Bouclé lace collar shift dress, £50 (was £120), Topshop

I'd look like a lacy sack in this dress. However, I think it's fabulous and, despite its length - or lack thereof - it looks WARM. Sleeves! Bouclé wool! Lacy bits that might itch and therefore cause a burning sensation! And we all need warm dresses now. I don't know if you've heard, but it's been snowing.

THE SHOES

Ami The Dancer shoes, £55 (was £99), Irregular Choice

So, you know, maybe while I was writing this, I might have accidentally bought these Irregular Choice shoes. Maybe. Because, well, they're purple, and they have a bird on them. I might start a personal editorial policy of Buy & Try Before You Spy, the rules of which state that I must purchase every item I write about. All in the interests of reader satisfaction, you understand. I am dedicated to my cause. Always on duty, just like Columbo. Except not dead. Or in The Princess Bride.

Sonoda sneakers, £24.49 (was £50), Aldo

ZIPS! SUEDE (EFFECT)! SEQUINS! LIGHTS! CAMERA! ACTION! LIONS! TIGERS! BEARS! 

Oh my. You only actually get five of these things when you buy Aldo's Sonoda sneakers. You'll have to buy them to find out what they are. Cross your fingers it's not the lions.

Or the tigers.

Or the bears.

Shoe shopping just got dangerous. 

THE JEWELLERY

Town Mouse necklace, £19.50 (was £39), Tatty Devine

A mouse with a cheese lip piercing! You get a lot of those round these parts. Cheese Punk Mice. Get yours now. God Save The Cheese.

In other rodent news, a lovely man from the council who helped me with my own little anti-establishment mouse problem a few years ago told me that mice ADORE Blue Riband biscuits. Apparently they find them irresistible and no-one knows why. Hand me that Fact of the Day award right now.

Tigerfly necklace by Tilly Bloom, £17 (was £21), Fab

I've long been a fan of Tilly Bloom's surreal and fantastical creations. This Tigerfly necklace is equal parts terrifyingly sinister and spectacularly beautiful, which is surely the best combination there is.

DINOSAUR SOCKS OF THE WEEK

Dinosaur socks, £3 (was £6), Urban Outfitters

HERE BE FEET MONSTERS. Rawr. And phwoar. Phrawr. 

Anyone found any great bargains this week? Tell all. Also, if someone has a raincoat, a cigar, and a beagle I could borrow for next week, let me know.