Sluttery Sales Spy: Ted Baker, Miss L Fire & Hobbs

You've just bought a one-way ticket to Salesville... first stop: Bargain Town! It's a long journey, but the trolley serves gin and crisps. Choo choo. 

THE DRESSES

Louche Shari dress, £30 (was £55), Joy

From afar, and if you scrunch up your eyes (only fleetingly, please - wrinkle danger), this Shari dress from Joy looks like something Monet may have painted, had he gone wild and broken out the old Cobalt Turquoise Light paint once in a while. Up close, however, we realise it's just like those floral nylon sheets your gran had left over from the Sixties. To clarify: this is no bad thing. I'm guessing the dress is less itchy than the original sheets were. Thankfully.

NW3 Tiny Butterfly dress, £69 (was £99), Hobbs

Hands up who's seen their first butterfly of the year? I have seen four! None as tiny as the eponymous tiny butterflies of this Hobbs dress, however. In comparison to these little buggers, mine were the butterfly equivalent of the Wandering Albatross. Or the Giant Teratorn! The Quetzalcoatlus! The Airbus A380! Oh, this is getting silly now. Stop it.

THE SHOES

Matilda heels, £39.99 (was £64.99), Miss L Fire

Shiny! And also matte! These Matilda heels from Miss L Fire are ever so wonderful, and if the green isn't your tasse de thé, they're also available in a rather fetching red and a sort of brown and pale pink combo. I like the tassels on the laces, and the scallop-edge details. Mmm, scallops.

Lucky Freckles shoes, £29.50 (was £74.99), Irregular Choice

DOG SHOES! Or PANDA SHOES, depending on whether or not you trust Irregular Choice's animal identification skills. I don't. They say panda, I say spotty dog, I am quite clearly correct. I've seen those cutesome giant pandas at Edinburgh Zoo and they don't look anything like this, mainly because this is a very small, very pointy dalmatian. And in a divinely ironic plot twist, the shoes have a kitten heel! OH, how that makes me chuckle. You should note that they have a tail around the back (generally that is where tails are found, but this is Irregular Choice and one can never be sure), and that they also come in a shade I will describe as tobacco-stained dalmatian. If only Claude had had a tube of that colour, eh? He'd have been way more successful.

THE SKIRTS

Check skirt, £17.50 (was £35), ASOS

I'm still very into checks, but as we hurtle through spring, a paler, more delicate plaid is called for. This skirt from ASOS is suitably transitional (look, Ma, I used a fashion word! Possibly incorrectly). It has a lovely texture (go and have a nosy up close), although I would probably suggest you don't copy this picture by tucking your hideous denim shirt into it. Totally up to you, though.

Ochelle Dancing Leaves maxi skirt, £70 (was £139), Ted Baker

Do I want to be swathed in yellow pleats? Why, yes, Ted, I do. I want to be Laura The Human Sunbeam, with happiness swooshing around my ankles and kindness soaring through my heart. Like a pacifist bepleated superhero.

THE HOMEWARES

Cornell desk, £185 (was £279, typically £499), Made.com

You know my VERY STRICT rule that everything in the Sales Spy has to be under a hundred quid? RULES ARE FOR FOOLS, KIDS. I couldn't pass up the opportunity to include this frankly magnificent pink Cornell desk from Made.com, because just look at it. You'll do brilliant things at this desk, like eating Jaffa Cakes and reorganising your button collection. It'll be worth every penny.

Bunny scissors and clips, £7.95 (was £14.95), Rockett St George

Once you've forked out all that money for a bright pink desk, you'll be wanting a carefully-curated selection of objets d'art and high-quality stationery items to scatter around it in a deliberately casual manner. Alternatively, you could opt for a rabbit with scissors for ears, eating a magnetic carrot with paperclip leaves.

How are you all, and have you bought anything nice recently? I have bought heaps, but it's all from IKEA, so I must shop vicariously.