All I Want For Christmas: Coffee and (No) Cigarettes

At Sluttery Towers we love the occasional artificial stimulant as we skip from bar to party to club (ok, fine, from work to bus to sofa). These gifts are loosely based around coffee and cigarettes but are all completely sin-free, so indulge at will.

Coffee mug with blue angel wings, £14 from the National Gallery

This is officially the most beautiful mug in the world. Even hot Ribena would be transported into a heavenly glass of ambrosia in this. The wings are made of flexible, heat-resistant silicone and also come in black for more of a gothic angel vibe.

Buy it for: the friend who's been an angel to you this year (unless she's notorious for chipping her crockery. It would be heart-breaking to smash this one).

Sagaform studio takeaway mug, £15 from Heal's

Travel mugs are so much cheaper than buying a daily cup of coffee on your sprint to the train station, but why must they look like I'm about to go camping? I don't want practical, I want pretty. So thank you, Heals, for this brightly coloured takeaway mug that doesn't cost a millionty pounds.

Buy it for: your housemate who spends half her weekly wages on caffeine and can't understand why she's skint at the end of the month. It'll save you having to lend her £20 for the gas bill again.

Tank Books, £7.65-£8.07 each

"Try one and you'll be hooked", say Tank Books, the filthy literature pushers. But just say yes, kids, to these classic books packaged to look like cigarette packs, complete with cellophane wrapping and silver foil top. Iconic books in iconic packaging, and easy to fit into your handbag too. Get one for £7.65 (Joseph Conrad is £8.07) or the whole set in a tin for £42.35. Those prices include postage.

Buy it for: anyone who loves reading, unless they've recently given up smoking and don't need any temptation lying around.

Fence Records Chart Ruse - £18

Tiny indie label Fence Records release music by fantastic bands, often with excellent facial hair, like James Yorkston and The Pictish Trail and my favourite, Withered Hand, who has a heartbreaking beautiful song called No Cigarettes (yes it's a slightly tenuous link to my theme, but what you gonna do?).

For £18, your recipient will be signed up to their Chart Ruse, giving them three EPs by three artists on 7" vinyl (plus download code) sent out over the next six months, plus discounts on gigs and other releases. It's a rather ace subscription that supports an independent label and guarantees a steady supply of brilliant music. Get your order in by 16 December to get a Christmas card and mini-CD with Withered Hand's Christmas song too. It's got sleigh bells. You'll love it.

Buy it for: anyone already getting excited about next year's Indietracks.