Sluttery Sales Spy: Christmas Shopping Special

I'm feeling Christmassy! And despite my obvious can-do attitude towards selfishness and Buying All Of The Things For Myself, I actually love buying presents, and ooh, I do adore a gift guide. Today, I give to you something even better: A Bargaindiscountsales Gift Guide. This way, we can spend all the money we save on ourselves. (I just had to ruin that single moment of generosity and goodwill, didn't I?)

FOR YOU

Floral wiggle dress, £31.50 (was £42), ASOS

Obviously, you come first. There's no way you can continue down this Christmas shopping path without buying a new frock. This lass looks surprised and a little bit pissed off at having her photograph taken, doesn't she? Let's hope she comes to terms with the concept soon, otherwise her career choice might be the source of perpetual personal distress. Poor wee poppet. Her floral ASOS dress is LOVELY, though.

Lace-panelled midi dress, £50 (was £75), Warehouse

Well, this is one way to draw attention to your star attractions. I loved this Warehouse midi dress even before I looked at the back view and discovered one of my favourite things: a line of covered buttons! You'll save £25 if you buy it now. Go forth. Don't come fifth.   

FOR BOOKWORMS

Top 5 Clothbound Classics, £52.45 (was £74.94), Penguin

Penguin is offering bundles of books for Christmas at discount prices. If you want to give your mother a gift that screams "I didn't know what to get you and I have no idea what you like to read!", go for the set labelled 'For Mum', cos y'know, once you've popped out a sprog, you miraculously start to enjoy the exact same books as EVERY OTHER woman of a maternal persuasion. SIGH and GROAN.

A better idea is this beautiful collection of five clothbound classics, specially selected by the designer of the frankly drool-worthy covers, Coralie Bickford-Smith. Equally gorgeous are these F. Scott Fitzgerald novels and short stories, also designed by Bickford-Smith - a set of seven is £73.43, reduced from £104.91. Perfect for people who are upset that The Great Gatsby film release has been delayed (that person is me).

Little Set of Bookplates, £3.50 (was £5), V&A Shop

You may think bookplates are redundant in this age of Kindles and Nooks and iPads and Miscellaneous Gadgetry. As a Kindle owner who is currently rearranging her actually thousands of real-life books into colour-coded order (advice: don't embark on this at 10pm), I can assure you that you're wrong. Because soon, someone somewhere will realise that the massive yellow-spined book I lent them three years ago is mine, and will return it to me, and I will have to rearrange the books YET AGAIN so as not to ruin my rainbow. If I'd stuck one of these V&A bookplates in it, maybe they would have given it back before now, and this particular friendship wouldn't have to END.

FOR HOMEBODIES

Sugar Stay or Sugar Go? sugar bowl by Keith Brymer Jones, £10.50 (was £14.50), Fab

We're already big fans of Keith Brymer Jones's work here at Domestic Sluttery. I am particularly fond of his punk range, especially this sugar bowl. Keith sure is putting the pun into punk! (Just FYI, I am immensely proud of that last line.) I am also very taken with this Smells Like Tea Spirit cup, which will serve as a permanent tribute to my teenage years, yearning for Krist Novoselic and his purple trousers.

Rory Dobner heart tile, £27 (was £37), Rockett St. George

I am amassing a rather large collection of tiles. When people ask me what I got for my birthday and the answer is TILES, I get a few odd looks. But I'm not talking common-or-garden B&Q tiles here, oh no. I've got Rob Ryan tiles, and these gorgeous 1970s tiles from Thrift-ola. Now, please, I would like this Rory Dobner heart tile, currently in the sale at Rockett St. George. Just the thing to rest my Smells Like Tea Spirit cup on. Wait now. This gift guide has become all about what I want, hasn't it? Oh well. 

IMPORTANT PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: London-based Christmas shoppers in the market for delectable homewares should note that Donna Wilson is having a studio sample sale today and all weekend.

FOR SHUTTERBUGS

Sass & Belle stab-stitched camera case, £7 (was £10), Debenhams

How cutesy is this?! It's only £7! And looky-here - I've found the perfect thing to put in it:

DIY floral pinhole camera, £8 (was £12), Urban Outfitters

Even the most fancy photographers relish the chance to go back to basics once in a while, and you don't get more basic than a pinhole camera. This DIY one is ready to fold up into a piece of floral photographic prettiness - just add a roll of 35mm film and you're ready to snap away to your heart's content!

FOR FOODIES

Pumpkin saucepan by Kitsch Kitchen, £16 (was £22.40), Fab

So, this has happened, and I for one am finding the world a richer and more fulfilling place because of it. Why aren't all my pans shaped like vegetables? If you're asking the same question (probably about your own pans, rather than mine. If I'm wrong about that, thanks for caring. I am touched) you'll be delighted to learn that you can also have a tomato and a pepper saucepan to complete the set.

Clear Hive honey set by Biodidactic, £37 (was £50), Fab

At the classier end of the Discounted Foodie Gift Spectrum, this Clear Hive set would be a beautiful addition to a cook's breakfast table. Although I can't stop looking at the photo and wondering what would happen if I overfilled it. Would the honey start dripping out of the lid? It's a risk I'm willing to take for what is ostensibly a honey-filled dreidel. Oy vey and all that.

FOR MAGPIES

(not the birds)

Rose gold galloping horses bracelet by Bill Skinner, £64 (was £76), Fab

Remember when Sian wrote about SMITH/GREY's 'I can't seem to get rid of the horses' range? It was only last week, so one would hope so. Well, I was beside myself with longing, I tell thee. Happily, it turns out the galloping horses motif has become A Thing, because designer Bill Skinner has cantered over to Fab and deposited this gorgeous bracelet for our shopping delight. It's a more literal interpretation than SMITH/GREY's design, but I love it just as much. 

Vera Meat spine bracelet, £35 (was £55), ASOS

I didn't realise that Vera Meat was the name of the brand, so I thought this was simply being described as a 'meat spine bracelet' which for some reason makes it sound a whole lot more sinister. Whatever it may be called, I want it on my wrist right now. Santa? Are you reading this?

Mrs Claus?

Anyone?

Sob.