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Friday 26 April 2013

Sluttery Sales Spy: Orla Kiely, Aldo & Urban Outfitters

Purses at the ready? Then we'll begin. 


Orla Kiely Alpine Grove dress, £55 (was £110), People Tree

I love People Tree, and I love Orla Kiely, so it figures that I love this Alpine Grove dress. The buttons are sturdy enough that you won't be popping open all o'er the shop, and the coral colour will see you right through spring (HELLO! We've been expecting you. For, like, months) and into summer. Did I mention it's half price? No? Oh. It's half price! 

Not For Ponies Aztec pocket dress, £22.50 (was £45), Kiki's Boutique 

Ponies! Look away now! This is not for you.

First of all, I'd like any prospective buyers of this Not For Ponies Aztec pocket dress to mentally sign a contract, promising to wear some sort of high belty thing with it. We need to cover up that join between the burgundy and the black. Have a look at the model shot for inspiration. (And no, this probably isn't a dress for the more boobulated among us. But Not For Boobulants would be a strange brand name. I quite like it though).

Anyway. There's a bird in the pocket! That's all you need to know. 


Brandley wedges, £35 (was £70) Aldo

Normally I'm against anything with a cork wedge, but I've been dazzled by the gorgeous colours of these Brandley wedges and am willing to make an exception. That hint of yellowy suede is just perfection. Also it's making me want a hotdog. (It makes sense in my head. Leave me alone.)

Laurel brogues, £49.98 (was £75), Aldo

I hummed and hawed for a goodly long while, wondering whether or not I actually like the white sole of these Laurel brogues from Aldo. Breathe a collective sigh of relief, Spyettes - I do like it! You'll need to invest in one of those magic erasers from Poundland to clean up nasty pavement grime, though. Or, you know, insist on a red carpet being rolled out in front of you every time you go outside. I'm favouring the latter option, actually.


Mark & Fun leather satchel, £67.30 (was £89.10), Fab

Is this what we call glacĂ© leather? So shiny and smooth! And that green is surely going to have to be renamed The Perfect Green™. If you want one of these Mark & Fun satchels, be quick - there's a limited quantity available on Fab right now, but I can't be held responsible for your heartache if you dilly-dally.

Kissing birds bag, £13 (was £22), ASOS

ASOS thinks these birds are merely kissing, but I think they're sharing a worm in some sort of avian re-enactment of Lady and the Tramp. Obviously I've already named the birds - Derren and Hilary - but I suppose I permit you to rename them if you buy the bag. 


Blurred Geology cushion, £64.95 (was £108), Anthropologie

Wait! I know it's £64.95! I know it's just a cushion! BUT.

I'm no stranger to an outrageously expensive cushion - I own one of those Donna Wilson animal cushions, y'all - but £108 is several pounds too far, even for me in full-on la-la-LA-bank-manager-schmank-manager mode. I think we can all agree that £64.95 is much cheaper than £108, non? Good. Let's proceed to the next level:

I EFFING WELL LOVE THIS CUSHION! Baked bean juice! A Ribena spillage! A naked flame! Over-zealous penknifemanship! Ahem. I mean "a handpainted rendering of faceted quartz and other geodes". 


24-piece cutlery set, £40 (was £60), Cath Kidston

I have some kind of personality disorder that means I am phobic* of using cutlery that doesn't have a chunky handle**. I mean, I don't cause a scene in restaurants or anything, but at home, I am very particular about my knives and forks (why doesn't fork come first? It's on the left, after all). I'm in need of some new chunky-handled-cutlery, and this Cath Kidston set is ticking all my colourful boxes. Obviously I'll be mix 'n' matching at every meal. 

* Not really. Just a mild aversion. 
** Except teaspoons. I prefer teaspoons to be plain metal. I'll make an exception for these, though. 


Ceramic dinosaur knob, £3 (was £6), Urban Outfitters

Not THAT kind of dinosaur knob. Oh, do behave, you lot. You forced me to Google 'dinosaur penis' and now I'm scarred for life.


  1. Derren and Hilary has made me think of Derren Brown and Hilary Devey and now I'm imagining them sitting on a branch and sharing a worm and mummy says I have to get off the internet now.

    1. Well, as you know, I keep Derren Brown and Hilary Devey in my handbag in case of emergencies. Sometimes I let them out for a worm or two.

  2. Totes just bought that bag!! thank you :D

    1. Brilliant! Will you be naming the birds, nerd-bird? Nerd and Bird, perhaps?!

  3. I think we say "knife and fork" and not the other way round because then it becomes "fork n knife" too easily.... And that's hilarious but not always appropriate. My nephew would ask for a "fork n knife" when he was about two. Made me laugh every time.

    1. Ha ha - so cute! I think I might start using 'fork 'n' knife' now, too. I can get away with it at 33, right?

  4. That dress is super pretty.....


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