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Friday 14 June 2013

Sluttery Sales Spy: French Connection, Joy & ASOS

This week, I'm featuring a minuscule woman giving the sly-eye to a giant cassette, while a golden plane flies overhead. Business as usual, then.


Pixel Python dress, £55 (was £110), French Connection

The French Connection sale is in full swing, y'all, and there are some very pretty bargains to be had. My favourite is this Pixel Python dress because a) it's lovely, b) Pixel Python sounds like a nickname for a promiscuous digital designer, and c) it's the exact shade of orange of my (fantasy) campervan. Since those are more or less the three criteria I look for in a dress, I think I'd better buy it.

Traffic People vintage-style midi dress, £58 (was £105), ASOS

Photographer to model: "Yeah, that's it, love - if you could make sure your arms are covering up the front of the dress so no-one can see it properly. Perfect."

From the bits of this Traffic People dress that we can see, it looks quite fabulous. I think the print is teeny-tiny apples! And the grey palette will blend in nicely with any gloomy clouds in the vicinity.

Ah, this is a fling-it-on-and-go-outside-and-have-lots-of-summer-fun type of dress. The pockets (or pockicks, as Little Laura liked to call them) are large enough to hold your Ordnance Survey map, or whatever it is you kids carry around with you these days when you go on an adventure.


Bill Skinner Acorn & Oak bracelet, £65 (was £135), ASOS

I love this leafy bracelet so much, I want to wear it as a crown. You can't stop me.

Krystal Swarovski vintage-style drop earrings, £28 (was £65), ASOS

Usually I prefer my jewellery to be made of brightly-coloured plastic or shaped like a *SPOILER ALERT* plane or something, but at the moment I'm quite into overly large and twinkly costume jewellery of the sort Lady Di might have worn (hers would be real, of course). These Swarovski earrings from ASOS are just the ticket. Chin down, eyes up pose optional.

Chain Chain Chained On The Wings Of Love necklace, £31 (was £33), Fab

NNNNEEEEUUUUWWWWRRRRRWWWHH! All we need to know about this plane necklace is that the propellers SPIN. Of their own accord. You might find yourself spontaneously preparing for take-off as you walk down the street. Doors to manual and cross-check, people. This is no time to let your safety standards slide.


Miss Etoile Cute Eyes jug, £10 (was £16), Oliver Bonas

Oh look, one of Little Mix has been made into a jug. How charming.

My crippling superstition means I can't have peacock feathers in my house - SHUDDER - so this beautiful dinnerware by Pied A Terre might ease my sadness re: the fact I'll never own a wall-mounted stuffed peacock. 

Tape A Doormat by Meninos, £27.60 (was £33.30), Fab

Ah, how I yearn for simpler times, when boys declared their love by giving you a mixtape of the Wildhearts' "greatest" "hits". I think I could scrawl something on this Tape A Doormat with a Sharpie, couldn't I? That would be cute. Unless I wrote FUCK OFF VISITORS. That wouldn't be cute.

But it would be true.

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