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Wednesday 12 October 2011

Sluttishly Easy: F*** This! Spaghetti

Part of what makes a Domestic Slut is having better things to spend your time doing. In my case, I have better things to do than mess around fretting over what I'm going to eat for dinner: I've finally moved into my flat, and on Monday night all I honestly wanted to do, rather than make food, was to assemble my books into order of height and depth. I AM THAT PERSON, FEAR ME.

Book case #1

I'd bought some wholewheat spaghetti, tinned tomatoes, cheese and a basil plant earlier in case my friend Jess stopped by, so that seemed fairly easy if a bit...well, insipid. I was so unimpressed by my need to eat pulling me away from my books that I went "F*** this!" and started throwing whatever I fancied from the kitchen into my saucepan.

F*** This! Spaghetti (Serves two, or one if you want seconds or a smug packed lunch the next day)

You will need:
  • Wholewheat spaghetti
  • One tin chopped tomatoes
  • Fresh basil
  • Balsamic vinegar
  • Lea & Perrins
  • Tabasco
  • Sesame oil
  • Soy sauce
  • Your favourite cheese, grated
  • Salt and pepper
Make it!

  1. Cook up your spaghetti until it’s done, then drain. Add the tomatoes and put back on a strong heat until it’s merrily bubbling away. Tear up and add a good bit of basil. Now, the more slapdash you are with your condiments, the better. This is not called Careful Now! Spaghetti.
  2. I started off with about four liberal shakes of balsamic, followed by the same of Lea & Perrins and about six or seven drops of Tabasco. Chuck in a nice slurp of sesame oil and follow with a couple of throws of soy sauce.
  3. The oil will bond with the tomatoes and make the sauce lovely and thick, so just leave it all to bubble for a few minutes until you’re happy with it, add more sauces to taste, then serve with grated cheese, more basil, and a little salt and pepper.

Eat with a riotous sense of self-satisfaction. Then, you know, get back to what you were doing because the whole point of this dish is that it frees you up to be A TOTAL BLOODY TRIUMPH.

NB - props to @Populusque on Twitter for messaging me to say he'd made a F*** This! Omelette last night in the middle of flat cleaning. The recipe was "Mainly cheese. And procrastination. It's nice, but it takes ages to actually make."


  1. This is generally my approach to cooking. I don't have time to measure out spices. I just chuck a load in.

  2. Ha! I like that a lot. Although if I'm following a recipe I measure it out exactly, as though if I put in half a tsp more or less the whole thing will COLLAPSE in utter disaster.

  3. Whereas I have a habit, terrible I'm sure, of adapting recipes halfway through cooking them; this way lies disaster, people assure me, but hey - it's the closest I get to life on the edge x

  4. and by the way, Kat, I LOVE your bookcase *seethes with envy* x

  5. Now I don't feel so bad for being a lame-arse and crying off supper to work...if I hadn't, f-this spag might not have been born! You've just given me a spaghetti craving. xx

  6. Love this post and I love this site. You make me laugh. I've never seen Lea & Perrins, Soy Sauce, Tabasco AND balsamic vinegar in the same recipe but there's nothing quite like moving to make you realize how overpopulated/scary your condiments shelf has become.

  7. Ah! I quite often bung a bit of dark soy sauce in my spag bol. It really does give it a gorgeous rich flavour!

  8. I'd quite like to know why your box of books has the word 'VIRGIN' written on it.

  9. I LOVE THIS. I'm making it tonight when I get home from work at HALF NINE (sel-pity klaxon!) and have no other food in the house.

    Also, 'This is not called Careful Now! Spaghetti' actually made me do proper LOLs even when ill. Sterling work, Kat. Hope you settle in nicely to your new abode.

  10. Amazing, thanks everyone! Really glad you're all up for some power carbs.

    @Cath Me too! My grandparents got it off a skip outside Chichester police station about 40 years ago.

    @Anonymous Sadly nothing more interesting than it contains my old Virgin modem and set. That's really dull. It contains a really small virgin?

    @Laura Hurray! I've got a mammoth load of really tedious cleaning chores to do tonight so I reckon I'll be cooking it again.

  11. 'Careful now!' reminds me of Father Ted and Dougal protesting outside their local cinema. I might make 'Down With This Sort Of Thing!' Carbonara.


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